[Anonymous]

So I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8months but we’ve known each other for a little over a year. When we decided to take our relationship from friends to exclusive relationship I knew it would be hard. He’s a single dad to a 6yr old little girl who is so adorable. There is a age gap I’m 19 and he’s 31 but thats not the problem. The problem is lately I’ve been feeling a little trapped. I found myself sitting a chair in his house and thinking about if this is what I want for my life. I;m currently on Summer break from college and was thinking of switching schools to be closer to home and now I’m not so sure I want to stay home with him. I love him and his daughter, I don’t want to disapoint him. So how do I tell him I’m not going to change schools without him feeling as if I’m leaving him or trying to get away from him? How do I let him know that I’m going back to my old school but that I still want us to be together?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re not wanting to disappoint him is a problem. 🙁 Life is full of disappointments and people learn to weather them. If they don’t and if they can’t — they’re called “children”. 😆 Trying to control his feelings — or keep him from being disappointed is a no win situation because if you don’t tell him so as not to disappoint him, then you’re unhappy and you’re keeping something from him — both of which will upset him. If you do tell him and disappoint him then you’ve been honest with him about what you want for yourself, and that’s the only way to tell if you’re in the right relationship or not. So bite the bullet and be brave — [i]and tell him. [/i]

My guess is that he suspects that at some point there was a good chance you’d want more for yourself because you haven’t lived as much as he has. The age difference between 19 and 31 doesn’t have to be a problem, but the life experience between a 19 year old college co-ed and a 31 year old single father, can be. It’s completely understandably that you want to experience more of life, and you should be honest with him about it. You can still love people and accept that they’re not the right mate for you — which may be the case you’re coming to here.

Take him for a walk to the park or out for coffee and tell him (away from his daughter) what you’d like for yourself and then allow him to have his reaction. He may want to try and make something long distance work, or you may both decide that this relationship has run it’s course and that you want to experience college life more fully, which means not having a boyfriend back home.

I hope that helps — let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Member]

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