[RelationshipNovice]

I live with my mother who is over protective and mosey. In Dec. I met the most amazing woman, EB. EB is a law student with a busy schedule.

On one date, my mother called me while I was with EB and asked where I was. So I lied to mother in front of EB. EB was worried by my lies but I explained I did it for privacy. Friday, I spent all day with EB and again lied to my mother. That night we had a nice dinner and EB wanted me to stay the night but I left to run errands in the AM.

Next day I asked if I could by and spendthe night. EB said she I sn’t sure how she feels about my lying to be around her and that she needs time to decide what she wants to do.

I send EB a text the next day apologizing and I sent her roses as an apology. I sent a text and 2 VMs asking if we could speak.

Thinking EB didn’t get my txts I send EB a Facebook msg. EB replies and says that she’s worried I’m looking for a more serious relationship than she’s looking for and doesn’t think it’s a good idea for us to keep dating.

Like an idiot, I sent a total of 35 messages over 3 days apologizing and asking for another chance.

EB replies that she doesn’t want to see me because I lack emotional control and I was disrespectful/rude. EB says that I should stop before she blocks me. EB also said that if she was going to give me another chance, that she wasn’t now because I acted immaturely and I had gone from a nice guy to creepy and rude.

Can I fix this? I know I should have left EB alone, but I wanted to show her that I could be mature/respectful.

[Ask April Masini]

You may be able to fix this…. but not this week or this month or next month. In other words…. you need to show this woman that you do have impulse control and aren’t desperate, and that means you have to back off big time, for now. 😉

The problem is that when you contacted her 35 times in 36 hours, you came across as desperate — and she feels you were creepy and rude by disrespecting her boundaries. I’m sure you didn’t intend to present this kind of an image, but that’s how she took it. You were thinking about your own needs and trying to do fast and furious damage control for protecting your relationship with your mother at the expense of your relationship with her. So, now, it’s time to start strategizing by thinking of your relationship with your romantic partners and how to balance them with the rest of your life. 😉 I know that staying away and not contacting this woman is going to be tough for you, but you have to show her that you’re respectful of her boundaries and you do have a life of your own without her.

To really do that, I think you should get your own home instead of living with your mother. Since you’re 30 years old, having your own place will show that you’re serious about being single, independent and ready for a romantic relationship with a partner. Next, I think you should stop answering your mother’s phone calls while you’re on dates. If she’s sick or ill, get her a babysitter like you would a child — so that you can focus on dating. 😉

Hope that helps!

[Ethan Morales]

Okay… let’s be clear: EB isn’t rejecting you because she dislikes you she’s reacting to how you handled the situation. Sending 35 messages in 3 days comes across as desperate and controlling, even if your intentions were to show maturity. That’s a hard truth, but it’s exactly what she said.

Respect her boundaries Right now, she’s made it clear: she doesn’t want contact. Continuing to message her, even with apologies or flowers, only reinforces her impression of emotional instability. The fastest way to rebuild trust is to back off completely and show self-control, not words.

Fix the root problem The core issue isn’t EB it’s your dependency on approval and lack of independence. Living with your mother, lying to cover yourself, and reacting impulsively all signal that you’re not fully in control of your own life.

Gain independence April’s advice hits the mark: getting your own place shows maturity and readiness for a serious relationship. It also eliminates the need to lie to protect your time or privacy. This isn’t just about dating EB it’s about becoming someone who is stable, independent, and confident.

Control impulses and time Stop answering your mother during dates, and stop bombarding EB with messages. Respect for other people’s boundaries is non-negotiable in any adult relationship. Your goal now is to demonstrate that you can manage your emotions, your time, and your commitments.

Right now, EB isn’t rejecting you permanently she’s rejecting your behavior. If you want a chance in the future, it’s about action, not apology texts: build independence, practice emotional control, and let her see that you can respect boundaries without needing immediate validation.

This is about long-term change, not short-term fixes. If you do this correctly, you’ll become attractive to her or anyone else in a real, sustainable way. I can outline a step-by-step plan for regaining emotional control and independence so you’re ready for a healthy relationship. Do you want me to do that?

[Tara]

You detonated any chance you had. Thirty-five messages in three days isn’t persistence — it’s desperation. You didn’t look mature, you looked unstable, and EB told you that in plain English. When a woman says she’s uncomfortable, that she’s losing interest, that she needs time, the correct response is silence. You threw gasoline on a dying spark and acted shocked when it burned the whole thing down.

Your lies weren’t the real deal-breaker your lack of boundaries and emotional control were. You didn’t respect her space, her words, or her decision. You cornered her with your neediness and made her feel trapped. Once a woman feels creeped out, the game is over. That switch doesn’t flip back.

Here’s your answer: no, you can’t fix this. Not with her. You turned yourself into the exact person she never wants to date again.

Your only move now is to stop contacting her entirely, recalibrate your emotional discipline, cut the umbilical cord with your mother, and learn how to act like a man who doesn’t beg for validation. The relationship is dead. Your job is to make sure you don’t replicate this disaster with the next woman.

[Serena Vale]

I can understand how you feel, wanting to fix things right away, but pushing too hard can actually make it worse. When EB says she needs space, the best thing you can do is give it to her.

Apologizing once is enough; repeatedly messaging her will only make it seem like you’re not respecting her boundaries.

Right now, give her the time she needs and focus on yourself. Show her, through your actions, that you’ve grown and can respect her space.

As for your mom, that’s another layer. You’ll need to set boundaries with her too, so you can have your own space and privacy in relationships. But for now, take a step back and let EB make her own decision. If she wants to talk, she’ll reach out.

[Sally]

You pushed harder than she was ready for, and from her side it did not feel like love or effort, it felt like too much. Anyone would get overwhelmed by that many messages in just a few days. And I do understand why you did it. You were scared of losing her and trying to show her you cared. But when someone asks for space, the only real way to show respect is to actually step back.

She is not going to come back because you explain yourself the right way. If there is ever going to be another chance, it will only happen if you stop completely for now. No reaching out, no small reminders that you are still there. Let things calm down. And try to look at the part of you that panicked, that is where the real work is, and it is for you, not for her.

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