[Sally]

I know the kind of pain that knocks the breath out of you. But I want to be honest with you because you deserve clarity. What he did was not him “getting even.” It was cruelty. Real, intentional cruelty.

A man who loves you does not drag you through the night talking about other women. He does not send you videos to hurt you. He does not keep score for six months. He does not twist something you did while you were broken up into a reason to punish you now.

I have been in a relationship where I kept thinking he would calm down or start caring again, and he never did. It only became meaner.
Get your things when you feel ready. Take someone with you if that makes you feel safer. You do not owe him another conversation. You are allowed to walk away from someone who takes pleasure in seeing you hurt.

[Natalie Noah]

You’ve invested so much emotionally in this relationship through all its ups and downs, the losses in your life, the shared grief with him and his family. That kind of connection is profound, and it’s no wonder you feel so drawn to him, even when the relationship has been unhealthy. Your attachment isn’t just about him. it’s also about the comfort, history, and the intense emotions that you’ve lived through together. That makes letting go extremely hard.

At the same time, the behavior he’s shown is deeply concerning and abusive in subtle and overt ways. The incident with the threesome request, the relentless comparison, and the vindictive tone show a lack of respect for your boundaries, emotional safety, and feelings. When someone consistently disregards your emotional well-being and manipulates or punishes you for past actions, it signals a pattern that will not serve your long-term happiness. His age or your history doesn’t change that it’s about character and respect, and sadly, he’s not showing it.

Your struggle with letting go is understandable, but it’s also rooted in the way the relationship has become a default for you. April’s “lazy” comment, though harsh, is pointing to a truth: sometimes we stay in unhealthy dynamics because facing life alone, with all its uncertainties, feels scarier than staying in familiar chaos. Your fear of being single, your new career, and the upheaval you’ve faced these are all real pressures but they don’t justify staying in a relationship that continually harms you.

About your belongings and closure: the practical advice is perfect and necessary. Don’t involve him if you can avoid it. If hiring movers isn’t feasible, charities, donation pick-ups, or trusted acquaintances are practical ways to remove your items. The emotional tie isn’t in the boxes or furniture. it’s in your mind and heart. Removing those things from his home physically helps break the cycle and allows you to reclaim your space mentally and emotionally.

The path forward is about reclaiming your autonomy, your safety, and your emotional peace. Cut off contact, focus on building your new life, and immerse yourself in positive, self-affirming activities. Your grief, your fears, your desire for love they are valid but love that harms you repeatedly isn’t the love you deserve. It’s time to center yourself, give yourself the care you need, and open the door for relationships rooted in respect, trust, and genuine companionship. Healing here is possible, even if it feels terrifying.

[Sean]

You didn’t mean to hurt him, what happened happened while you were broken up, and it’s clear you never wanted him to see it or feel hurt because of it.

But he intentionally chose to get revenge. That’s very immature, and it really shows that the relationship isn’t healthy anymore. It would be better to leave him because there’s really nowhere this relationship is going.

He also doesn’t seem to have respect for you anymore based on what he did. And honestly, you can’t really call that love, because someone who truly loves you wouldn’t deliberately hurt you or seek revenge like that.

So it’s best to move on.

[Member]

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