[asburyep]

My husband and I have been married for ten yrs, and we have three beautiful girls. Today we got into an argument bcs every time we go to a store he ends up buying thhem some sort of toy and I tell him every time that’s not something we should do bcs they are not learning the value of things. I feel we are setting them up for a live of disappointment when they grow up and they don’t get everything they want. Well today was the same thing he bought them a wii game called Skylander and I told him hey they already have one set they don’t need another one, specially since they haven’t even had a chance to play with the other one, he put it on the cart anyway bcs it was on sale for 20$ so that upset me bcs it feels like he doesn’t respect my opinion, and I always have to be the bad guy. When we got home he noticed I was upset and asked me why. I told him I didn’t want to talk about it at the time bcs I felt it was gonna turned into more than it needed to which it did anyways. He got upset, return the game and a set of weights he had bought for himself back to the store, which I had no problem with the weights since he works hard so that I can be a stay at home mom. He deserves to buy himself what he wants but I feel that when it comes to the kids we should teach them that you don’t always get what you want. So know I feel like crap bcs he went and returned his stuff too and we are not talking and I don’t want to say anything else to him about it bcs I feel his gonna misunderstand me again. Am I wrong?

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

This isn’t a question of right or wrong, it’s a matter of agreement and compatibility when it comes to co-parenting. You’re not on the same page and it’s important that you get there — or at least, get closer to it. Most couples are not on the same page for everything, and sometimes nothing, but they can have compatibility when they agree to disagree and find ways to compromise. That’s what you and your husband can do. See if you can talk to him about your differences, without passing judgment. And then decide that you will make some compromises. These compromises are best when they are global in range, not just having to do with parenting. For instance. if he wants a particular type of car you don’t approve of, offer to let your feelings about it go in exchange for his letting his go about parenting. In other words, trade off for what he wants in an arena other than parenting, in exchange for one that is important to you, like parenting. Maybe you can give in on Thanksgiving at his mom’s house or more frequent sex — whatever he wants that you’ve gotten, this is the time to give. Whether or not you think this is fair is less important than creating marital “deals” the make your marriage better, globally.

I hope this helps. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Member]

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