[Johnny72]

So I got married when I was 20 years old and now my wife and I are five years into the marriage. During one point she went into the Navy and our relationship went through a very hard time. We are very different people and she came out of the Navy a different person as well. There is no romance or intimacy in our relationship and I sometimes feel trapped and feel like I can predict the whole life we will have together and it is a lot of routine. I have brought this up to her but nothing has really changed and I feel like she just doesn’t desire that intimacy anymore. I love her dearly and many people tell me that we should work on it but I feel like we have been trying to work on it for so long that it would be unfair for both of us to keep expecting different results. I’m not sure if I should work on the marriage or end it now while I am young and without too much financial issues. I am a full-time student and do not have a job so there is not much she would be able to claim if I did. What should I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

This is a tough question. You’re asking me if you should end your marriage or not based on five years and a graduated absence of intimacy. I can’t give you a yes or no answer based on what you’ve written, but I can suggest that you ask yourself if you’re willing to work at the marriage, and if you both want the same things. If the answer is yes to those two questions, then you should work harder. If both of you are not all in, then it’s going to be difficult to sustain marriage — and if you no longer want the same things, it may not be worth the investment. Ask yourself why you married, and if those reasons still exist. And talk to her about this. She may have information that will help you make a decision, and talking to her may help you both. Let me know how things go.

[Member]

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