[lenoa123]

Okay, so I really like this guy (Lets call him N). Normally, there wouldn’t be a problem and I would go for it, however, he is my Ex’s best friend. I know it’s taboo to go for him but at the same time…

A little background. In 2010, my ex and I started dating and I got to know N. I developed a crush on him then but didn’t think of it since I was happy in my relationship. Then in December of 2012, my Ex broke up with me for another girl. N was there for me and my crush (that never went away) grew into something more. A lot of people kept bugging us to get together but I turned them all down because I didn’t want to use N as a rebound, even accidently. I wanted to make sure I was completely over Ex before hand.

Ever since Ex broke up with me, he has turned into the biggest jerk ever according to his friends and N tells me that he is completely done with him. Everytime I casually label them as friends he is quick to correct me. I know I am over Ex and I really want to pursue N but I am not sure if it is a good idea or not.

So should I try and see if I can turn our friendship into something more? (Obviously, if he turns me down I will get over him and try for someone else) or do I just forget about him and not try to avoid any awkward situations?

Thanks for your help! Sorry if my writing is a little unorganzied.

Ica

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’re over your ex-boyfriend, and the guy you’re crushing on is over your ex-boyfriend as a friend, too. So there’s reason not to flirt with this guy you’re interested in. But…. don’t chase the guy. Instead, let him know you’re interested, but don’t profess your love or ask him out. Instead, see if he’s interested by his reaction to your flirting with him. 😉

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[lenoa123]

Thank you!

Now comes the tricky part… I am never sure how this guy feels about me. We are constantly flirting with each other. We have had some very… Intimate? (not sure what word to use) moments together and like I said we flirt all the time. Sometimes he seems like he really likes me and the next moment he is friend zoning me. Could this be because he doesn’t know how to proceed seeing as I dated his best friend? I don’t plan telling him how I feel in order to avoid ruining our friendship unless he straight out asks me. How can I know what he is feeling without asking him?

Thanks! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good question! 🙂 And a popular one. I get asked this often on this forum: how do I know if he likes me?

You’re doing everything right by flirting with him and NOT telling him how you feel. 😀 Flirting lets him know you’re interested in him, and it gives him the opportunity to either chase after you, and/or ask you out on a date — [i]which is exactly how you figure out his feelings.[/i] But sometimes it will take a guy a very long time to ask you out if he likes you because he may be uncomfortable with the fact you dated his ex-best friend, or because he’s interested and maybe even dating someone else, or because he just isn’t as interested as you think he is. When this happens, my advice is not to put all your eggs in one basket, and instead of obsessing about one man, like the cliched woman who picks flower petals one at a time, reciting, “He likes me; He likes me not…”, set your sights wider. In other words, look for other guys that you might be interested in, so you’re not coming across as desperate, and so you’re not spending too much time obsessing over this guy. 😀

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