[RYCB]

Dear April,
I’ve never contacted a site like this so excuse me if I don’t exactly know the rules on what I put into this little box here. In fact, I never actually knew a site like this existed until I consulted the internet about needing advice.
I don’t have an exact question, and I suppose I won’t get an answer unless I give you the whole story.
I’m 16, or at least I will be in a couple of days. I’m not sure if that’s too young for this site, but It’s needed so I can explain myself thoroughly. Please don’t write me off until you finish this anecdote. (I’m not a very “girly” girl, I’ve read comic books since I found out how to read, I watch all the syfy shows, and my favorites are Star Trek and Doctor Who.)
Six years ago, I met a boy. I believe it was sixth grade when we first met. I was a victim of intense bullying in elementary school, which metamorphosed a very out going girl, into a very shy one. I ended up seating myself at a group table (a table made up of four tables each facing each other) close to the front of the class, where no one was sitting. And then he walked in. He chose my table, probably for the same reasons as I did, I learnt later on that he was just as bullied and fragile as I was at that point. And for some reason, we talked to each other and never stopped. We didn’t care what the teacher said, although both of us would get great grades. We played with each other’s feet, thumb wrestled whenever we could. It was adorable, to say the least. For all intent and purpose, I’m going to change his name to Wally. (I always liked that name.) I’ll keep my name the same, Emily.
Anyway, our school used to do these dances, where we would go to the local community center and have a blast. The first time I ever went to these dances was with a boy named Connor. We were peer pressured into kissing, and he was my first little girl “boyfriend.” Eventually, it falls apart as all little girl things do, and I get bullied by him and his friends for the rest of those years. So, you could see why I wouldn’t be to adamant about going again.
But, I do.
And the same thing happens. We kiss. Wally and I. And then to avoid getting hurt again, I avoid him. However, that kiss sparked something, he would never leave my thoughts. For about two years i avoided him. Eighth grade we meet again, this time we have the same lunch and gym, the best classes you can have with a friend. We joke for the whole year, growing closer and closer and this time we never separate. We keep goofing off and telling stories, never growing bored of each other’s company even during the hot summer months. He would come over because I was the only one in our little group of friends that had a pool. (Except, I only felt really comfortable around him, so he was the one that I would always invite. It was usually up to him to ask others if they wanted to come over.)
Ninth grade, same thing.
Tenth grade, is where everything came to a head. My grandpa died, and it destroyed my sister and my mom. They were left very emotional and needed people constantly by their side urging them over this speed bump. So I grew closer to Wally, depending on him. And I finally found out that I loved him.
He played a joke on me, that he was moving away going to delaware for the rest of the year, and maybe longer. (He was actually going to disney.) I was devastated and begged him not to go. I cried for hours. The next day he tells me it was all a joke. Since I was hurt so bad I decided to TP his bedroom, and actually got permission from his lovely mother.
Then he plays another joke on me, telling me he was gay. Again I’m devastated.
He says it was a joke a day later.
Then, I finally find the courage to ask him out, and he texts me saying he is actually going out with another man. I confess my love for him, hoping it would knock some sense into him, but it doesn’t. Now this “another man,” is a boy who is constantly threatening suicide, especially if he was to dump him. This kid was loaded, I mean rich, had about five apple computers, his phone is high-tech. but he still walks into the middle of streets not caring that poor wally is walking behind him holding his backpack full of books AND the kid’s.
I decide to sit down and have a talk with wally.
He admits he liked me from day one, but doesn’t want to dump his new bf because he doesn’t want him to harm himself. To me, this sounds more like Stockholm syndrome than a relationship.
I ask him if he’s gay, and he says he doesn’t know.
Now, he doesn’t even seem the slightest bit gay, other than the fact that he is literally the nicest person you will ever meet. So, when the girl falls for the Nice guy, she can’t have him.
Nice.
Anyway, I yelled at him a little bit, because I was hurt, I had a right to say my mind. He dumps his new bf, but now will not go out with me. It’s been about a month since the initial break up between him and the kid. And my mom and sis are telling me he’s old news. Which he’s not. I’m still in love with him.
But I’m starting to think he might actually be gay, although he says he doesn’t know. (and yes, I have pressed if he’s just saying that so he doesn’t hurt my feelings, but he says he literally doesn’t know.)
And I can’t get over him.
Now before you write this off as teenage hormones, understand this, I’m extremely rational. Like Spock-level logical. I’m practically a robot at times. And around him I feel human.

WHAT DO I DO?!

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

I know you like this guy, but he’s not really available for a relationship, so my advice is to look elsewhere for a boyfriend. I know that this might sound harsh, but the mistake that so many women, both young and older, make, is trying to get someone who is not available, to be available.

Rejection is actually a gift because it sets you in the right direction — away from someone who’s not available for a relationship and towards people who are. 😉

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[RYCB]

Thank you for your insight. I guess I’ll do my best to get over him.
There [i]is[/i] another guy that apparently has been into me for a while. (I know you are probably rolling your eyes at this, but I have known this for a while, just chose to keep the information out of my previous post.) He is the sweetest kid possible, and he is OBSESSED with Christmas and any holiday.
He talks about me to my other friends all the time and says he wants to ask me out, but he’s to afraid to and keeps making excuses like, “I don’t want a girlfriend on valentines day,” and that his parents wont let him, he’s afraid I’ll say no.
I do like him, he’s a nice enough guy, although our conversations are a bit awkward. Is there any good way to spice them up?
And by awkward, I really do mean that there are just quiet moments where we don’t talk about anything and have trouble looking at each other in the eyes. Maybe it’s because we both know he likes me?
I sat in a blizzard for a few hours just to watch him play lacross, (he sucks by the way, but it was so hilarious) and he called me amazing for doing that.
I don’t suppose I could make the first move?
Maybe this is the better choice rather than waiting on Wally? (The guy we were talking about before.)
What do you think?

I’m sorry if this bothers you about the whole, we were just talking about a different guy, but to clarify I have known since Christmas day. My friend Noel mentioned it to me over the phone that the guy who likes me confessed to him.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

Don’t come right out and tell him you like him or make the first move. This will pressure him, 😥 and it will take the opportunity away from him to make the first move, and as much as you want something to happen, it’s not worth taking this important step away from a guy. Guys love to feel like they’ve won you over, so when you take that important first step away from him — you’re selling yourself short. If he does win you over, he’s going to feel great about himself, you and the relationship, so hang tight.

You’re smart to consider other options, and if you want to turn up the heat with this other guy, flirting with him is the best way to do so. There are ways to flirt with him non-verbally, like sending him a searing smile, using your eyes and when you do talk to him, complimenting him — on things that have to do with dating, not sports or academics. For instance, you can tell him how great it feels to be walking with him because he’s so cute! Or tell him how he has an amazing smile. You get the picture!

But whatever you do, don’t make the first move. Instead, expand your circle of interest, and consider flirting with more than just one or two guys — broaden your sights and cast your net wide, and see who’s interested in you that way! 🙂

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[RYCB]

Thank you for all your help and insight. I will update if anything big happens and let you know if your advice helps out! 🙂

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. Good luck — and have a great week! 😀

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