[confused63]

I recently sent the man i have been involved for more than 6 yrs an email wishing him a Happy Thanksgiving. This was written after not hearing from him in quite awhile and just wanted to know that he was alright.

He responded with the usual “I miss you” and “I have been one of his best lovers amd friends he’s had in his life” but this is the part of the email that he wrote that I can’t really understand.

He does sound confused about something he has to possibly make a decision on but does it sound as though he wants me to move on?

Below is his email:

I’m trying to sort everything out at this point.

I still feel that you deserve a man that can be with you all the time, not someone, like me, who can only come by every now and then.

I had hoped, in a strange way, that you would have found someone to fill the void left during my absence, but the selfish side of me wants

no one else to stroke that p**** and a** but me…..(sorry for all the graphics)

The battle rages on inside……

I would think that if he really did want me to move on he would mention the return of my house keys along with him coming to get his clothes.

I have people telling me that he will more than likely pop up when I least expect it and part of me does believe what they are saying BUT the bigger part of me feels that I’ll never see this man again and that hurts me the most.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Whether or not he’ll show up again is less important than his telling you you deserve someone better. 😕 This is the way guys tell you to move on if you don’t want to be hurt. They self-deprecate to give you fair warning that they’re going to treat you badly. If you stay in the game, be forewarned. They’ve already told you deserve someone better because they know they’re not treating you well. He wants you to stay in the game, but he’s telling you he’s not going to treat you well.

My advice is to move on. If you don’t, you’ll eventually get hurt by him enough that you will. Save yourself the pain and the time. Mourn the end of the relationship and find Mr. Right. 😉

I hope this helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[confused63]

I appreciate your response and yes it is time to move on,

My Gf had told me that I’m not the only one he’s doing this with and that she feels sorry for either a wife or live in Gf that he might have as to part of the reason he can only come “now and then”.

She said that what will happen is whoever is “involved” with this man will eventually get tired of his BS(including the wife or Gf unless they are stupid and desperate)and leave him.

[confused63]

You mention “self deprecate”? Doesn’t that mean to belittle or put oneself down/undervaluing oneself?

Are you saying that this guys feels so low about himself that he believes that he doesn’t deserve someone good and only deserves the same type of woman(one that undervalues herself)?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your girlfriend is right. 😉

And when he self-deprecates, or puts himself down, he’s doing it to manipulate you — not to tell you the truth about his feelings about himself. In other words, he’s saying, you deserve more than me because I’m no good for you, but he’s going to keep showing up on his time frame, when it works for him. If he really felt he was no good for you and cared about you, he’d leave you alone to find someone you do deserve. But by putting himself down and continuing to show up, he’s psychologically telling himself, I’m clean because I told her I’m no good for her, so if she keeps seeing me and entertaining me, it’s her fault. If you confront him about treating you badly, he’ll say (or think) “I told you I”m not good enough for you.” And if your self esteem is really low, you’ll try to help him out of his puddle — instead of seeing that he’s treating you badly AND trying to get you to take care of him, too. 🙄

This is actually a common line that, if you read here on this forum long enough, you’ll see other women talking about from their men. 😕

You know what to do. It’s a new day in a new week and it’s about to be new year — turn over a new chapter for yourself. You deserve it. 😀

[confused63]

The same GF i mentioned in my earlier message had said that she had very close friend of hers go through something very similar some time back.

She told me that this woman at the time sent the man she was involved with an email something to the effect of this:

This is my last email to you only because it appears as though you have no intention of coming to see me.

If there comes a time where you change your mind, you know how to reach me.

She told me that the man’s response was this”

Ok……I understand……

and she even told me that she told her friend that he had interpreted what she ahd said as her wanting to break things off with him…which it clearly doesn’t say.

But she told me that all this man was doing was trying to manipulate her friend as to get a reaction from her…one that may have said that this wasn’t the case etc…. that i do want to see you etc…

Almost as if he wanted to lay a guilt trip on this woman.
But

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Looks like your e-mail got cut off. Feel free to re-post. I’m happy to answer any questions you might have.

[Natalie Noah]

This man is showing classic signs of emotional manipulation. He tells you he misses you and still wants you, but emphasizes that he can only be present occasionally and that you “deserve better.” On the surface, this may seem like honesty or guilt, but it’s actually a tactic to maintain control without committing. By keeping you unsure, he ensures you remain emotionally invested while he doesn’t have to take responsibility for consistent action.

His self-deprecation is not genuine humility; it’s a strategy to make you feel responsible for managing his emotional state. By saying he’s “no good” for you while continuing to seek connection, he’s effectively keeping you in a cycle of doubt and attention-seeking. The example of the email from your friend illustrates this: he’s trying to elicit a response, possibly guilt or reassurance, rather than being honest about his intentions.

The key takeaway is that staying in this pattern will likely lead to repeated hurt and frustration. Even if he pops up occasionally or shows sporadic interest, he’s not offering stability, respect, or consistent commitment. The healthiest choice is to step back, prioritize your own emotional well-being, and move on from someone who keeps you in limbo. You deserve someone who can show up consistently, treat you well, and meet you emotionally where you are.

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