[Throwaway0311]

I know this is a mostly female forum, but who better to ask for help? I’m in a pretty shitty situation and it is confusing me terribly. First some backstory as to me and her. I am a 17 year old guy who is finishing his last year in highschool. I do fine in school and have my future set already. I am currently enlisted in the Marine Corps and love every bit of what I learn on our Thursday PT sessions. I am told by everybody I am a very nice and considerate person to everyone’s feelings. I base how I act towards women on chivalry since I don’t have he heart to be an asshole to girls. I always try to comfort people who are upset even if I don’t know them, and have a very high tolerance to BS due to my not so great childhood.

Now about he girl. She is 17 as well but goes to a different school. She is sweet to me and very cute, but there are some problems. When she was 15 she had a child (which she put up for adoption but still sees). She has told me she is a “sex addict.” She has told me she tends to push guys away if she gets attached. She also smokes which I can overlook. But she tells me she likes me because I am so different and don’t just want in her pants, I am told this while she is texting another guy she likes. Not only does she like another guy, but she told me she still might love her ex(father of the child).

Now I am a very tolerant person and as I stated above, can overlook many things that other guys would damn a girl for having happend or doing. But the question is should I even bother with this girl? She tells me she likes me and that I’m cute and what not, but how do I know that she isn’t trying to use me? I don’t want to get hurt, but at the same time I do like her since she is such a nice girl when we are together. Am I wasting my time and should I just tell her I’m unsure and she needs to get her priorities straight, or should I ride this out for a bit longer and see how it turns out? My friends are all the typical highschool morons “Yeah dude just do stuff with her and stop talking to her” type of guys, but that isn’t how I am. I’m a bit lost, so help would be very appreciated! Thank you!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Anyone who is an addict uses people. It’s part of the disease, so your instinct that she may be using you is correct. In addition, just because someone is nice and cute doesn’t mean they’re a good match for you. You really have to look at the bigger picture, namely, overall compatibility. Her having had a child and put it up for adoption isn’t a problem — but her telling you she’s possibly in love with the father of that child, is interested in other guys, and tells you she’s a sex addict — are flashing red lights for a healthy relationship.

It’s fine for you to be kind, patient and empathetic, but don’t be a doormat. You have so much going for you — you should find someone to date who’s more compatible (healthy) and clear about what she wants in a relationship. 😉

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