[highschooler]

Hello,
I am currently going into my Sophomore year in high school. There is a girl on my swim team that I like very much. I have known her for a very long time, but recently our attitudes to each other has changed, and I think that she has feelings for me too. She is currently on vacation for 2 more weeks.
Recently (as in last week) a new swimmer joined the team. She is highly flirtatious. She hugged me twice yesterday and frequently tries to move closer to me. We have only seen each other 3 times! So far I am really the only person on the team she has really bothered to get to know and she seems to feel very comfortable around me. Thing is…she is 2 years younger than me, though you would never know it-she looks older, and the only girl I am really interested in is the aforementioned one. Yet…I don’t know how to tell this girl that. I don’t want to lead her on-I can’t imagine how someone would feel after that. I would like to be friends with her, but I need to sort this whole thing out before the girl I do like gets back to avoid an embarrassing situation.
How do I let this girl know that I’m…unavailable? Not interested? I’m not sure what the term would be. Should I tell her that I have feelings for someone else, or could that induce jealousy?
Any help would be greatly appreciated!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good question! 😀 This girl who is overly affectionate is probably obviously crushing on you. If you very gently keep your distance from her, it will be apparent to everyone (except maybe her) that you’re not interested and are just tolerating the crush’s advances. You’ll probably have to establish a boundary with this crusher, delicately, to try and allow her to save face. In other words, when she hugs you, don’t hug back. If she comes over to monopolize you, smile and tell her you’ve got to run. If she STILL doesn’t get the picture, you can take her aside and tell her that you like her as a friend, but you’re not interested in her as a girlfriend, so could she please give you a little space, socially. That’s going to hurt her feelings a little, but if you do it with a smile and privately, you may limit the hurt she feels.

Don’t bring up the fact that you’re interested in someone else. If you do, it sets the stage for a triangular drama. Make the discomfort you feel over her advances strictly about her — and not about anyone else.

I hope that helps — let me know how it goes, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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