[confusedmiddleageguy]

Recently I have been literally losing sleep over two women from my past. I don’t think about them collectively, they both seem to come and go from my conscious mind, invade my dreams from time to time, and it pushes me to try to “check up” on them. One of them I am still friends with though she lives far enough away now that we never see eachother in person, but we have talked as friends off and on over the past years after a few years of bitter silence and resent. The other was a bitter breakup, but for some reason despite my bitter emotions I continuously have straying thoughts and dreams about her coming back into my life. Both of these women are now married/engaged and I am currently in a commited relationship of just under 4 years with a wonderful woman who we have 2 children and a house together.

The first girl in question and I were in a relationship just out of highschool for 8 years, we never had kids, and when we were finally out of college, had our own home and were discussing marriage. Unfortunatly, time/money got in the way and she began working long and late hours as a bartender while I was starting my own business.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think your dreams are ruining your current relationship — I think the fact that you’re in touch with one of these exes, and that you feel compelled to check up on both of them, is 😕 If you want to commit to your present and your future, then let go of your past. 😉 Stop contacting your exes if you want a more peaceful relationship with your current partner and children. 😉 Some people can have relationships with exes — but these are usually situations where the exes involve their current partners in the contact, and the “friendship” is respectful of the current relationships. When you’re contacting your exes on your own, it’s a way of keeping those relationships alive at the expense of your current relationship. I don’t think you’re ready to have healthy relationships with your exes yet, so the best thing you can do is cut contact and move on.

[Simon]

Hey, you don’t want a closure, so you want a little drama because your life is probably going very smoothly. That eight-year relationship has become history. Put it in the national museum.
If you don’t stop checking now, one day your current partner will check you out. Then you’ll be left dreaming about and stalking three exes instead of two. Grow up, delete friends’ numbers, and give the woman who is the mother of your children some time. Instead of wasting it on women who are already the center of someone else’s home. Stop being a digital ghost of your partner.

[Member]

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