[cindy1967]

ive been in a relationship for 1 1/2 yrs and we live together.im 46,and hes 53,and for awhile now our sex life isnt the same.ive been unsure why its less frequent so this weekend i took the initiative in my own hands.we were sitting on the couch watching tv,not long after dinner,and i played with my breast,etc,trying to get intimate.after 30mins of this he tells me to pull my shirt down.i keep trying,then he just laughs at me telling me im being silly.so i became very quiet and went back to watching tv.i was embarrassed cuz all he did was laugh at me.later at bedtime,we lay in bed watching tv,i start to kiss him,and kiss on his neck,trying again.i started the intimacy thing and he starts laughing again,telling me im tickling him.i keep kissing him,he laughs and tells me to stop.so i give up.i felt like twice of trying and being laughed at for trying to be inimate with him embarrassed and belittled.It seems often when i try to initiate it,its a no or hes tired,some excuse but when he wants it i give in.ive never been laughed at before by a man.this is becoming a problem.ive tried to ask him why he does this,and i get nowhere.what reason would a man have to laugh at a woman whos trying to be passionate with him?im to the point where i wont initiate it anymore because hes always making excuses to hes tired or just not in the mood.any advice would be helpful.this is embarrassing to me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s laughing at you because he’s embarrassed for himself. It’s unfortunate that he can’t be direct, but sometimes people don’t have the tools to deal with what’s really going on in their lives, so they behave in a way that’s derivative. This is what he’s doing. He’s probably very aware that you want more sex, and I’m sure he doesn’t feel good about that. Men want to be your everything. They want to solve every problem for you and they want to meet your needs — especially sexual needs. He isn’t trying to hurt your feelings — even though he is.

It’s entirely possible that at his age, he’s having trouble performing. Possibly for the first time. This is a big deal for a guy. That said, it doesn’t mean your sex life has to be over. My advice is that you take a two pronged approach. First of all, buy the book I wrote for couples just like you and your boyfriend: Romantic Date Ideas: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/romantic-date-ideas.html[/url]. It’s full of lots of information about dating situations at home and away from home, at all price points, and in many different arenas, designed to get the juices flowing. This is a no lose suggestion. The book will help get you into the frame of mind where you’re going to have to work a little harder at getting your sex life going. You’ll have to figure out what turns him on, what gets him in the mood, and what you can do to promote more sex in your relationship.

At the same time, in a quiet moment away from the bedroom, and not at night, talk to him about getting a physical and talking to his physician about how any medication he’s taking (or not taking) is affecting his sex drive and his performance. If you can talk to him in a way where he doesn’t feel accused, and feels like you’re on his side and want to support him, he may feel great relief and be very happy to make this “project” a team effort and not just a burden he has to silently accept (or that you have to silently accept, for that matter), and uncomfortably laugh at your attempts to make things better. 😉

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