I’ve hopelessly fallen for a close female friend of mine. Problem is, she’s been dating my best mate for 3 years (who’s at another school). I’m in Year 12 and being in a grade of only around 30 people who fit in a small eating area easily it’s very hard to avoid her. Coming home most days I end up feeling pretty depressed and empty, partly because its my best mate that has her heart and partly because she calls me her ‘best friend’ when in reality it’s nothing like that.
She has Instagram which she uses very regularly (daily posts). She always posts photos of her friends and all that but there’s never been one of me (apparently a ‘best friend’). The only thing with any connection to me that she puts up are gifts I’ve given her for her birthday and Christmas which she loved, however I’ve never received a gift from her, of any kind. For a girl who posts photos of her friends and boyfriend and even dog all the time, who I’ve asked and know has many photos of us together, who apparently considers me a best friend, I find it very unusual to not have a single photo of me/us ever.
I’ve also noticed we never talk unless I initiate conversation first. The only time she ever talks to me first and/or asks me to go for a walk with her is if she is having trouble with her boyfriend, who conveniently I have been best friends with since we were 5. In fact the times I have felt closest to her have been when she has been having a lot of trouble with her boyfriend or when her boyfriend has been away.
It’s so difficult to try and move on from loving her because my best mate has been dating her for 3 years and seeing her at school everyday means I can’t forget about her. I’ve been getting to know other girls and I’m even going to a formal with one this weekend but nothing compares to what I feel for this girl. She consumes my thoughts and I can’t even consider other girls while she’s there. I even get jealous when she talks or hangs out with other guys at school and it feels like a relief when she’s not at school so I don’t have to stress about her.
I can’t move schools and when I stop making an effort and ignore her she gets upset and hassles me until I come back. I want to tell her how I feel and get over all this, but the friendship we have, as shaky and depressing as it is, is all I have of her and when we’re together, walking with each other, I feel like the happiest person alive. It’s all looking pretty helpless. I really appreciate any advice you have. Thanks!
