I’m hoping that I can have some guidance because I am at such a loss. I have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years and love him dearly. However, I have seen some things which have made me lose faith in his love and I no longer can trust him. When we moved in together a year and a half ago, we shared computers. One day, his gmail was open with a chat with his friend Lisa. I knew they were friends but in the chat, he was complaining about a really silly little fight with me and she proceeded to call me a bitch.
I felt betrayed but also felt guilt about seeing the chat so kept quiet. Six months later, I attended a devastating funeral of a 19 year old son of a work colleague. I had called him afterward letting him know I was on my way home and very upset. He sounded odd and said that he was in traffic and had to go. I was suspicious because he didn’t come home for quite some time. So I checked his phone that night and there were texts from a girl Kim asking him if she should wear black or red underwear. I confronted him about it – actually telling him I was breaking up with him – and said he only met her for a drink.
After that, I didn’t trust him at all and checked old phone messages. I think he was dating two other people for at least the first couple of months in our relationship. I know his friend Lisa asked him if he would make out with her even though he had a girlfriend. So for the past year I’ve been torn up inside with what I’ve known. I finally let it out this week. I came home from work and he had drank half a bottle of whiskey by 5 PM – I checked his computer and he had looked at casual encounters on craigslist.
I don’t know what to do. I think he’s a good person and I actually don’t think he actually slept with anyone but the lies are there and I think he’s been emotionally cheating with Lisa. Also, there was an incident this year when he got really drunk, we fought, and he dragged me outside by my hair naked and threw me on the street. Its beyond devastating to put this all out there but I’m at my end. I can’t endure any more lies and any time I try to tell him this, he gets defensive and says he feels as though I’m investigating him. The truth is, before him, I was in an 8 year relationship and never checked his phone / computer once – no reason too. I was completely secure. That is not the case now. What can I do to fix all of this?
