[Anonymous]

Today is the one year anniversary of my boyfriend and I. We met while I was in school in London and I am back in the USA and have been for the past three months. I am also 30 weeks pregnant with his baby. I have had a lot of doubts about our relationship and it being the one year mark, I feel like it is time to really think about where it is all going between the two of us. We will always be there for the baby, but our own relationship is the one that concerns me.

I suppose the first problem is that we moved in together very fast. I was being forced to look for a new place to stay very last minute and he offered to let me stay until I could find a place. It was meant to only be for a week which was fine because I spent almost all of my time at his anyway. After that time though, he said that he thought that we should just live together. I was freaked out and scared at first…. but in the end we did. A couple of months later I graduated and he lost his job, so we were spending a lot of time together. We never really fought ever, but still. He also kept pictures of him and his ex in the room. We talked about it once and he said he would take them down for me, but he never did. Not until I was 12 weeks pregnant and cried over it. When I left to America, he put the photos back up. On my birthday, he hurt his ankle and couldn’t walk anywhere so I spent the day caring for him. I didn’t mind one bit and enjoyed it in a way. He kept going on and on about how he was going to make it up for me because I shouldn’t be taking care of him and it should be the other way around. I never wanted a lot ever, but when he was better, he didn’t do anything. As a gift, he replaced a computer game that I loved for me and that was it. Not even wrapped. Two months later it was his daughter’s birthday and he took the game from me (we found my old one) and wrapped it for her to have. That is fine, we don’t need two of the game, plus she played it more than I did, but I thought he should at least replace it instead of saying that him finding the old one made up for it.

I feel like he does more for everyone else in his life than for me and in a way takes me for granted already. I never feel like he ever wants to be romantic and I feel like I can’t talk to him about it because he brushes it off so well and makes me feel like I shouldn’t feel upset about it. He says he doesn’t have the money now to be romantic with me and I shouldn’t stay so upset about the past and instead focus on us being together again as a family for our daughter. Even with that, legally, we don’t qualify for any visas besides marriage, but he wants to wait TWO YEARS to see if we can get an unmarried partnership visa. I feel like he’d do anything to avoid it.

I love him more than anything in the world and he has done so much good for me. He has taught me to be a happier and more positive person and enjoy life more and so many other things…. but I also feel that this relationship will never be what I need it to be. I feel like I already know what I have to do, but I just need to hear other opinions first…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You made a lot of relationship mistakes that have led you up to today, but now that you’re about to have a baby in ten weeks, your priorities have to shift. You have to put your child first.

It sounds like you’re in America and he’s in the U.K., so decide where you’re going to have the most support as a single mother, and live there. Focus on how you’re going to raise this child. Clearly, he doesn’t want to marry you, but it sounds like he may want to be a dad, so incorporate his participation as a new father. That’s very important for your child you’re going to have together.

And when you baby is old enough, and you are independent enough to be begin dating, read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url] before you begin to date again, so you don’t repeat relationship mistakes that lead you down the same path.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go. And please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

[Member]

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