[Lanadolan123]

I feel like I’m stuck in a rut!! For the past 8 months my ex and I have been going round in circles. We were together for 2 years. we split up at the start of the year he ended things as we were drunk and had an argument and I became violent. His family know about this and I don’t think his mum would ever accept me and I think this is the reason he can’t be with me as he still lives at home and she is very overly protective of her ’25 year old boy’. The whole situation is literally draining the life out of me. We stop speaking and have no contact for a max of 3 weeks and then he contacts me we speak for about 3 months act like we’re back in a relationship but only its ‘secret’ and then when it comes to him telling his mum he freaks out and cuts all contact. I know when we aren’t speaking I hate it, and the thought of him with a new girlfriend I can’t bear it. But I just don’t get why he keeps coming back if he’s never going to make it official again. I’m not happy when we’re not talking and I’m not happy when we are speaking as its not enough being friends. There is also a new guy in my life who iv been seeing and trying to make a go of things with but I just can’t get my ex out of my head. My ex has also been seeing people but then ignores them and starts speaking to me again? Why would he do this if he doesn’t want us to be official? Why wouldn’t he just move on and be happy with someone else? I really should be asking him this but anytime I do he just changes the subject. I feel like if things were meant to be over between us in January then why are we still here?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You definitely are stuck in a rut. You’re broken up and trying to move on — but not letting go of your ex. This is almost impossible to do. What you need is a real break up, not one where you go back and forth. Since you and your ex are both dating other people it would be a great idea to not have contact with him any more. I know you miss him and after a two year relationship ends, it’s always hard to move on, but unless you do, you’re going to be caught in this unpleasant limbo stage. Take responsibility for your own behavior and if he contacts you, explain you’re moving on and can’t talk to him, and then hang up, politely. If you need to cut him off from social media, then do so. If you need to block his calls and emails, then do so. The most important thing is to stay on course and move past this break up. It’s already been eight months — it’s time! 😉

[Aida Omar]

He comes back because you left the door open for him. He wants “convenience”, not “commitment”. He has fun with you and then hides behind his mother’s lap. As long as you keep it a “secret”, she will never respect you.
Right now, you are the “victim”, but it is time for you to take the power into your own hands. Block him and put your self-respect first. 8 months is a long time to be stuck in a toxic cycle.
I like AskApril’s expert advice that, since you are both seeing new people, there is no one to talk to your ex-boyfriend about now. As long as you are in contact, you will not be able to get out of this quagmire.
Take control of your life. If he calls, politely tell him that you have moved on and can no longer talk, and then hang up.

[Member]

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