[GluedTogether26]

My fiance and I took in a friend and her family. Told them it was only temporary that they needed to get their own place. My fiance and I had been trying to get pregnant, found out my levels were not where they were supposed to be. I took many different brands, higher dosages, etc to fix it. In Jan we had decided to stop trying, it’s just not our time. My fiance and I started fighting more, it was taking a toll. Week went by and found out I was pregnant very first baby. Then five weeks later found out she was pregnant. I got mad at her. Told her she did it on purpose to take the spot light away from me. Cause she had told me she wanted more kids. I asked her to wait. Out of respect. She was having a hard time providing for the three babies she has now. He youngest wasn’t even 1 yet. She told me some sap story about how the dad found out his girlfriend was pregnant and he choose that baby over hers. I felt bad for her. I helped her get clothes baby stuff always on the look out for stuff for her. Then a month ago. Come to find out one drunken night after my fiance and I fought, and her and her husband had fought they were drinking down stairs together, and had sex. So the baby is probably his too. I feel so hurt and betrayed. I’m having a boy she is having a girl. He wants to be apart of her life, I don’t want her or anything to do with her in my life. I don’t know what to do. I had her move out. But he still talks to her. She tells him that she is in love with him. I just don’t know where to go from here. I’m due Oct 13 she is due Nov 3. I need help please.

[AskApril Masini]

I’m really sorry this is so tough. It sounds like your boyfriend of five years has a girlfriend and she’s pregnant with his child, as are you — and you’re both having his children with very close due dates. Time to accept and make peace with reality.

You mentioned in your pre-posting questionnaire that you have no wedding date in the 5 years you’ve been together because you’re saving money — but getting married is not expensive. 😕 You can elope, go to City Hall and have a lovely back yard or living room reception with cake and champagne. In other words, try not to fool yourself that the two of you never married because of finances. You mentioned that you worked very hard to get pregnant, and I’m sure you know that medical costs of pregnancy and all the costs of having kids are way more expensive than a wedding price tag. The reality is that either one or both of you didn’t want to get married and that’s why you’re not. Unraveling and processing the steps that brought you here will help you heal and recover.

So, now, you’ve kicked this other woman out of your home, but he’s still in touch with he and won’t give that up. He’s her baby’s father. They’re always going to be in each other’s’ lives in some way. So…knowing that, if you want to continue to live with him, then you have to find a way to accept that she’s going to be part of his family and your child’s family as the child’s half-sibling’s mother. If you don’t want to live with him, then you can raise your child as a single co-parent, and you’ll have more control over your own home if he’s not living in it. But if he marries her, she may become your child’s stepmother. And even if he doesn’t marry her, there’s a good chance she will be in your child’s life as his girlfriend. Not what you had in mind, I’m sure…. but now that the puzzle pieces are laid out, you have to do what’s best for yourself and the baby.

I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any other questions. I understand that this is a lot to process. 😉

[MarbleHorse]

“Told her she did it on purpose to take the spot light away from me. ” Really? This sounds a little bit childish… my opinion.

[AskApril Masini]

I agree! 🙂

[Sally]

That’s a lot for one heart, especially while you’re pregnant.
First thing, your feelings make sense. Anyone would feel betrayed. This wasn’t a small mistake. It crossed real lines, and it blew up your sense of safety.
Second, him still talking to her is not okay. Not right now. Not while you’re carrying his baby and trying to survive the shock. If he wants to fix this, his actions have to match his words. Period.

Third, you don’t owe her access to your life. You were kind. You helped. She broke that trust. Protecting yourself isn’t being mean.
Right now, focus on you and your baby. Stress like this is heavy. You can figure out the future later.
I know it feels messy and unreal. Just take the next small step that gives you a little peace. That’s enough for today.

[Tara]

Stop calling this confusing. It’s not. You were betrayed on the deepest possible level and you’re still hesitating because shock hasn’t worn off yet. Your fiancé didn’t “make a mistake.” He slept with a woman living in your home, while you were pregnant, after a fight, and likely conceived a child with her. That is not an accident, a lapse, or bad judgment that is character failure. Permanent, structural failure.

This man has tied you, your unborn son, and another woman together in a lifelong mess because he lacked restraint, loyalty, and backbone. The fact that he still talks to her, entertains her confession of love, and insists on being part of her life tells you everything. He is prioritizing access to her over your emotional safety while you are carrying his child. That alone disqualifies him as a partner.

You did the only correct thing by removing her from your home. Now you need to finish the job. You cannot heal, parent, or recover while he keeps the wound open. If that baby might be his, then legal clarity is required paternity test, boundaries, and zero emotional overlap. No late-night conversations. No “support.” No triangulation. If he refuses, then you already have your answer: he’s choosing chaos over you.

[Member]

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