[Marvelous Missy]

Okay…I have nobody in my personal life that I can talk about this to, so hopefully someone here can give me some good advice…My boyfriend (30) and me (28) have lived together for almost a year, were involved sexually during that time, but have only been officially dating since early April. We met through our daughters, who are best friends. Okay…enough background…
Here’s my problem. HE IS COMPLETELY EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE!!!! He won’t cuddle (even at night), doesn’t open up emotionally, and there is hardly any sex (maybe once a week). If there was more sex, I could handle lack of everything else and vice-versa. But being in a relationship that is deficient in all three areas is leaving me feeling unfulfilled. I give him everything I have to give. I do anything for him. Spoil him. Nurture him. Do WHATEVER he wants in the bedroom. But he seems completely unconcerned about my needs. I know he cares. He has always been like this and hasn’t had many real relationships. However, he says he’s not going to change for anyone. And I don’t want him to change who he is (you can’t expect that in a relationship) I just want him to show me that he actually cares and does things for me because he knows it would make ME happy instead of thinking about what he wants. We’ve talked about it and he just says that he is hard to date and that maybe I just can’t handle dating him. Or he says that when I bring it up or try to cuddle that it makes him want to push me away (like his previous relationships) and that he doesn’t want me to push him away. His emotional wall is thick, and all I seem to do is try and figure out why he is the way he is. Uhg…I don’t know what to do. I feel like he is worth the battle, and I know that he has never had someone like me in his life. I just want him to open up to me without pushing him away…Please…any legit advice would be appreciated.

[Singlemomma39]

I feel for you. I’m in the same situation.
You are young, you don’t want to end up like me sista! I’m older and I feel as if I don’t have options.
You do deserve someone that wants to love you. (I like to think that)
No, i’m not into fairytale situations, but I understand how you feel. It’s heartbreaking when you don’t feel any love in return. Don’t just accept it. You are young and you have time to find someone that is not afraid of what you want in a relationship.

Disclaimer- I am in my own defunct situation and I don’t want to tell you to run. I just hate to see anyone going through anything similar I have to deal with. So yeah, run!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I hear this kind of dynamic often. 1) He says who he is. 2) He shows you who he is and 3) it matches up with what he says. 4) She wants him to be different and 5) doesn’t understand why he won’t be or isn’t. 6) She stays and is miserable because he is who he says he is and she doesn’t like it.

It’s really that simple. Six steps to misery. 😳

He’s told you and showed you who he is, and you won’t accept it.

Single parents dating have a lot more at stake than those without kids, so you have to be very careful in choosing boyfriends and potential husbands/step-fathers. He’s not right for you and you can’t see it. Time to ask yourself why. 😳 When you have the answer, you’ll be ready to find someone who is right for you. 😀

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