[peaceandlove777]

I will try to keep this short as possible. For some background for my question: My ex boyfriend broke up with me the end of July after dating for about a year. (I am 22 he is 26). His reasons for breaking up with me was kind of wooshy-washy, as in his only reason was a “gut feeling” that he can’t ignore, and that humans grow together and then grow apart. The breakup didn’t make sense to me, we were at a wedding for one of his friend’s the night before and had a wonderful time, but had an argument before bed and the next morning he brought it up. He was crying throughout the break-up and made it clear he loves me and I am his best friend, but has to set me free to find out of it’s meant to be (classic right?). Our relationship was good, we had a lot in common and got along amazingly, besides minor discrepancies in the way we express ourselves (I am much more expressive and emotional than him and would sometimes get irritated when he couldn’t show his feelings, and in turn he felt he wasn’t enough for me). He showed no signs of not wanting to be serious (i.e. introduced me to family,friends, took me to his new business meeting to be involved with the planning, he even expressed fear of ME leaving HIM for someone “better” a few months prior to our breakup), and we both agreed that we accent each other really well. I seriously didn’t believe he was breaking up with me, and I know there was no other woman. Although he said those “arguments” weren’t the cause of the breakup, ultimately I believe it was that factor that. He said he wants to stay friends, but I had trouble with that and told him I need some time. I had a really hard time getting over him and am still not COMPLETELY over it but have made tremendous progress. I realized this breakup was the best thing that could have happened to me because I made immense personal growth that I otherwise would not have. I miss him of course, and still get sad from time to time. We’ve talked here and there (all initiated by me) i.e. me asking how HE is doing, me expressing myself telling him how I’ve made progress from the breakup and am ok with things, and want to be friends, some drunk texts (oops), and a few emotional texts about me telling him it seems like he doesn’t care or miss me at all (double oops). Anyways, we talked last week over texts and ended up reminiscing over all of our good times, and in that conversation I ended up mentioning that I am seeing someone (I recently started seeing someone very casually nothing serious and is aware of what I am dealing with) and that we should hang out sometime soon because were “passed the awkward break up stage”. He ignored my comment about seeing someone and came back with a remark questioning when it was ever awkward. (hes very unemotional as you can see).

A week after that conversation, he messaged me FIRST for the first time since the break up (I initiated all other contact before this point). and asked what I am doing this weekend and if I want to meet up and watch the game (Something we would do when dating). I am confused as to why he would ask now as I’ve mentioned hanging out as friends in previous conversations and he did not ask me to hang out until now. I am wondering if the fact that he knows I’m seeing someone has an effect? Maybe he thinks I’ve cooled down enough to hang out as friends? Maybe he is jealous? I am 99.9% positive he doesn’t want to get back together, and this hangout would strictly be as friends and he would act like nothing emotional happened between us. Naturally I want to go to see what will happen. I am planning on having no expectations. But I’m interested in some advice. Could he want to get back together? Does he just want to be friends? Am I an idiot for hanging out with him if I still have feelings? Am I an idiot for thinking this will help me move on and prove to myself that I am better off without him? Is friends possible?

(TLDR: read the last paragraph only)

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He initiated the get together because you told him you were seeing someone. He doesn’t want to get back together with you but he will try to interfere with your new relationship. I don’t think you’re an idiot at all! But I do think it’s a mistake to stay in contact with him as often as you have, after you broke up. It’s going to be very difficult to move on with someone new if he’s in your life — and he knows this. 😉

[Member]

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