[Lily01]

Hi April.

I was in a relationship for 2 years with my now ex Peter until March this year. He was my first love and we dated for four years in 2002 but this ended due to lack of time on his part and I felt he wasn’t commited enough .

We reconnected over 2 years ago by text and phone calls, I had come out of a 6 year relationship and bought my first place and we started seeing each other . We became close again and a year

In March this year my brother went to a work reunion and found out Peter got married last Oct by former colleagues , he was stunned and said he was seeing my sister. After much investigation from my brothers other half, she found a wedding invite and address on Facebook and drove to his house and sent me a picture of his car registration, I was devastated. I couldn’t believe it. I confronted Peter by phone asking if he was married, he denied it several times and said I told people I was getting married to shut them up, he eventually confessed on the phone after I gave him the opportunity to tell me face to face the day before at my flat, he lied and said Debbie (wife) is an ex. My mum has late stages of dementia and I’ve had bladder health problems for four years and he felt it would destroy me.

Around this time my mum was in hospital for 7 weeks and I had to be strong but worse of all feeling so alone and having nobody at home to support me through an already difficult time
After NC for two months, he rang me up saying he misses me and loves me. He said he was pressured by family and wife to get married and has married the wrong woman.

[AskApril Masini]

I’m sorry you were betrayed and you’re so hurt. It’s terrible when someone lies to you — especially about something so important. The bottom line is he lied to you. He probably lied to his wife and I’m sure he’s lying to other people, as well. I would encourage you to not date him anymore — there’s no way to have an honest, healthy and happy relationships with someone who lies like this.

That you’re lonely is a separate problem. I would love to see you date and get into a healthy, happy relationship with someone who’s fun and stable and can be with you when times are tough or light. Don’t let this failed relationship bring you down. You need to let go of this guy and move on. Make sure you stay social, let your friends and family know you want to date and ask them to fix you up with someone they can vouch for as a good guy. Invite people over, have parties and get out there and connect with people. You’re right to be hurt and betrayed — but you need to take care of yourself and find yourself a good guy to date.

I hope that helps. Let me know if you need anything else.

[PassionSeeker]

Oh, I can only imagine how crushed you must feel. To be reconnected with your first love, thinking you’ve found something genuine again, only to learn he’s married that’s such a painful betrayal. You had every right to trust him after your shared history.
What he did wasn’t just lying it was stealing your sense of safety and hope.
You’ve already endured so much with your mother’s illness and your own health struggles you deserved honesty, not deceit. Please don’t take this as a reflection of your worth or your ability to be loved; it’s a reflection of his character, not yours. You are strong for confronting him, and now, your energy belongs to healing, not fixing him.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… he didn’t marry the wrong woman, he just lied to both of you 💔 okay, let’s be real here, no one “accidentally” ends up with a wife. that’s choice. and now he’s trying to rewrite the story so he’s the victim, you already carried your mom’s illness and your own pain, you don’t need to carry his mess too. so block his number, grieve what could’ve been.

[Ethan Morales]

He lied. Repeatedly. He deceived you while building a double life not just casual dishonesty, but a fundamental betrayal. He didn’t just lie to you about being married; he also manipulated your emotional vulnerability (knowing about your mom’s dementia and your health struggles) to protect himself from accountability. That’s not love. That’s cowardice disguised as compassion.

You said he later called saying he “misses you and married the wrong woman.” That’s not love either that’s guilt mixed with ego. People who truly love don’t lie, cheat, and then try to pull you back into their mess when they feel regret or loneliness. What he’s doing is keeping you emotionally tethered so he doesn’t have to face the full consequences of his choices. He’s not trying to fix things; he’s trying to soothe his guilt.

If someone can marry another person while being in a relationship with you, you have to accept that their moral compass isn’t aligned with integrity. Even if he “married the wrong woman,” he still chose to do it. And if he could betray both you and her once, he’ll do it again to you or someone else. That’s who he is. Not who you wish he was.

You don’t need to forgive him right now but you do need to detach. You’ve already shown enormous strength enduring your mom’s illness and your health challenges. Channel that same strength into reclaiming your peace.

A few steps to truly move on: Block all contact. No calls, no messages, no social stalking. Tell your story to someone safe a friend, therapist, or support group. Putting it into words releases the poison. Start redefining “trust.” Not everyone lies. There are men who can handle hard times without deception. Take your time before dating again. But when you do, remember: love isn’t built on drama or secrets it’s built on truth and consistency.

[Tara]

He married a woman while he was actively using you as his emotional side project. He didn’t slip. He didn’t get pressured. He didn’t get confused. He lived a double life for two years, lied pathologically, and expected you to stay in the dark forever. That is not love. That is deception with a sentimental mask.

You weren’t his partner. You were his escape. His ego stroke. His comfort whenever reality disappointed him. And when he walked into a marriage with someone else, he didn’t think of you. Not once. The only reason he “misses you” now is because he got bored, lonely, or dissatisfied with the woman he actually committed to. You are his backup generator, not his priority.

And listen closely, because this is the knife you need to face: the moment a man hides a whole marriage from you, he forfeits the right to ever speak to you again. He didn’t protect you. He protected himself. He lied because the truth would have exposed him as exactly what he is — a coward who destroys people deliberately and then cries about the consequences when he gets caught.

Your mother’s illness didn’t stop him. Your health issues didn’t stop him. Your history didn’t stop him. He looked you in the eyes while you were vulnerable and still chose betrayal. That is character, not circumstance.

You’re hurt because you still think there’s a version of him that loved you. There isn’t. There’s only the version who used you, discarded you, and now wants to pull you back in because his marriage isn’t giving him the emotional payoff he expected.

[Sally]

When someone you loved that long looks you in the eye and lies like that, it shakes something in you. I’m really sorry you had to carry all of that while dealing with your mom and your own health. That’s a lot for one person.

What he did wasn’t a mistake. It was a whole second life he chose to keep from you. And now he’s coming back with I miss you and I married the wrong woman like that somehow fixes the damage. It doesn’t.

You’re not weak for missing him. You’re human. But don’t confuse his regret with real love. If he loved you the way you deserved, you wouldn’t have found out through your brother’s friend’s Facebook search.

Give yourself permission to step back. You’ve already survived the worst part. The rest is just choosing peace.

[Natalie Noah]

The depth of betrayal here is enormous, Peter not only hid his marriage from you, but lied repeatedly when confronted, and tried to manipulate the narrative around his deception. You were dealing with incredibly heavy personal challenges at the time, caring for your mum with late-stage dementia and managing your own health issues, and he chose to layer more hurt and dishonesty on top of that. That’s not just a lapse in judgment; that’s a pattern of deceit and manipulation, and it would be difficult for anyone to recover trust after something like this.

Even though he reached out saying he loves you and regrets his marriage, his words don’t erase the choices he made. The truth is, he demonstrated that he cannot be counted on to be honest or transparent in a relationship. Someone who truly loves and respects you wouldn’t put you through this kind of emotional turmoil, especially when you were already vulnerable. His actions make it clear that any hope of a stable, trustworthy relationship with him is extremely unlikely.

Your feelings of loneliness are understandable, but going back to him would likely only prolong your pain. The healthiest step is to focus on yourself, your healing, and rebuilding a life with people who are genuinely reliable and supportive. Surround yourself with friends, family, and opportunities to meet men who are consistent, honest, and emotionally available. You deserve someone who can be there for you in both the difficult and joyful moments, without deception or manipulation. Letting go of Peter is not giving up on love, it’s making space for a real, healthy, and fulfilling relationship to enter your life.

[Member]

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