[stayingpositive]

My ex and I were together for 2 1/2 years. We started dating at the end of our senior year in high school, and shortly after graduation we moved in together. At first everything was great, but then she started acting extremely needy and wouldn’t want to do ANYTHING without me. I started distancing myself because I felt so suffocated. After about a year and a half of feeling smothered i finally broke it off to get a little space for myself. We kept in contact but i just needed some time alone. I finally after some time apart realized I really did want to be with her, no matter what her flaws were. I told her how I felt and she was very withdrawn from me. She has always suffered from anxiety and depression, and when i moved out for a little while, she ended up letting go of everything she was working for. She dropped out of college for the year, and she isn’t doing or worried about anything with her future, including our relationship. She’s told me she wants to work out relationship out, but she’s not ready yet. I took that as keep fighting for her until she’s ready, I’ve been trying to keep contact with her for the past 4 months with no progress. One day she’s happy and were connecting like we used to, then some days she barely says anything or just ignores me. So being human i get upset and ask her questions because I feel like we’ll be forever in this limbo situation. She got so mad at me the other day saying that I have been constantly pressuring her for a relationship when she is not ready. She told me she needs some space. I haven’t talked to her since she said she needs space which was a week ago. I feel like we ended the conversation on such bad terms and she feels like im a bad person for pressuring her. Should I keep no contact in hopes that she’ll miss me, or should I text her occasionally to show her i care and am here for her through this depression?

[AskApril Masini]

The problems she’s having aren’t really because of you or the relationship. These are personal problems she’s brought to the relationship. Your break up was a catalyst, but not a cause. I know it may be hard to wrap your head around any guilt you have because you feel badly that she’s hurting, but this is her issue to deal with and her responsibility. You can no sooner help someone who suffers from chronic depression than you can help someone who suffers from chronic diabetes. Just be honest and straightforward — which you have been.

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[stayingpositive]

I gave her the space she asked for. It took her a little over a month but today she finally contacted me. She told me she appreciated that I was being understanding and that she is feeling a lot better now, that her anxiety and depression isn’t acting up as bad. We were texting, and the conversation was going very well, we were catching up and joking with eachother, talking to eachother like we did when we were together, then all of a sudden she stopped responding. I didn’t want to double message her and upset her, so I just left it alone. Should I attempt to talk to her in a few days? Or should I still just let her come to me? I’m not sure if her finally getting in touch with me was her telling me it’s okay for us to talk again. I’m scared to make any assumptions and risk upsetting her anymore

[AskApril Masini]

I would let her come to you. Given everything you’ve written, if you wait, you’ll have more information about where she is in her life. 😉

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