[confused14]

Dear April,

Last night I went to a club and ran into an ex. We have been split for over 13 years. We split over his being dishonest and unfaithful. I have known him for years before we were together and was not expecting what he did. He would not look at me or talk to me for the majority of those years. We would run into each other and he would not even say hello and could not look me in the eye. Now yesterday I went to a club and ran into him and I said hello when I walked in and he decided to talk to me this time. We talked for a bit and he started telling me about his grandchildren, which was one of the questions I had asked him about two months ago when he was not talking to me. He never answered me that day. He went outside and did what he had to do then came back in and proceeded to watch everything I was doing. Then later he comes in and I am talking to all of my male friends and he comes over and starts talking about things we did in bed. As if he was trying to let those men know I was with him even though we have not been together in a number of years. Asking me if I still do that stuff. I blew him off and kept talking for about an hour to my friends. Then he comes over and starts asking if I want to have sex. I ignored him and kept talking. I was talking for about another half an hour and he comes up and practically begs me to go home with him. I told him not tonight and continued to talk to my friends. Another half hour later he comes over and asks if I am coming over. I said not tonight again. He got mad and left.

To tell you the truth I am totally shocked at his behavior and cannot believe that he acted that way. I really don’t know what he wants from me at this moment. I loved him when we were together and was totally devastated when I found out there was another woman. I broke it off and didn’t give him another thought. I would see him from time to time and he would be distant and not look me in the eye. One time he did come over and kiss me on the shoulder and talked for a bit. I just really do not know what he wants and am so confused on what to do. If we were to get back together things would have to be different than before. Should I say that to him and demand a monogamous relationship? Should I not say anything and just go with the flow? I really like him and want to get back with him. Should I give him the benefit of the doubt that he has decided to change over the past decade? I have no idea what to do or to say to him.

I wanted to play it cool and not be at his beckon call when he pulled that. I felt as if he was trying to keep the other men away from me and wanted to say more but decided to handle it the way he did to see if I would come running when he asked. He was sadly disappointed.

Confused14

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your ex made it clear he wanted to have sex with you — and only sex. That was it. If you want sex, he’s willing and ready, but don’t expect more. He’s not giving you any indication that he wants to get back together for anything other than sex. And don’t expect monogamy when someone just wants sex.

My advice is to take this encounter as an education. After 13 years apart, it’s easy to lose touch with the reality of who this other person really was. You may have wanted the best for him, and hoped for the best, but he may have actually not be that person you’ve been fantasizing he’d be. In fact, he may be very different. I think you should just take this lesson about who he now is, and move on. It sounds like drama brewing with no future if you start up again with him. But of course, it’s your call! 😉

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