[dewdrop8]

The main problem is recently I just can’t get women to go on dates with me. The ones who talk to me, aren’t interested in that way, and the oens I try on dating sites just don’t ever respond to me because simply put I’m not the most attractive guy that messages them.

Quick bio; I’m 25, i live on my own, i have a full time job, two vehicles, I’m secure, intelligent, I have common sense, I’m dependable, and most of all I’m not a typical ‘asshole’ guy. I’m not fat in even the slightest sense of the word, I’m 6’1 180lbs, i’m actually a bit skinnier than i’d like, and am trying to gain weight actually.

First off, I am an extremely confident guy, I can walk up to any women, any time, any place, and talk to them without any fear. I love meeting people, talking to them, making friends, and just enjoying life to its fullest. I don’t act overly nice, I know how to just casually get into a conversation about just about anything. I can get about any girl to laugh and do consider myself a pretty funny guy.

Frankly, when it comes down to it though, it doesn’t matter how great of a guy I am or how happy someone would be with me, it always comes down to the fact that basically, i’m more on the ugly side of the fence.

All my previous ex girlfriends, most of who’m I’d say were fairly attractive (especially my last ex, who was very attractive), all loved my personality, but they all basically fell in love with other more attractive guys. They tell me don’t change, they still love me, they still want to be friends, i’m cute, i have a cute face, shit like that.. but in those deep conversations, they make it clear they want Hot and Sexy, not ‘cute’.

Despite the fact all those girls end up getting hurt by the jackasses they go back to, these jackasses get the girls because their simply better looking than me. I don’t know what to do, i live on the edge financially because I have a lot of expenses, so I can’t go out and afford to have some crazy huge makeover done or something.

I’ve recently just been trying the online thing. Over the past week I’ve sent over 120 women messages. They range from nice to funny messages, short and long, some talk about me some talk mostly about the hobbys/activities they posted about that i like and found interesting… I’ve tried dozens of different of types of messages. I know my messages aren’t the issue, if I sent any of these to some 500lb whale of a girl on any of these sites, they’d instantly respond… but the more attractive girls who kept the weight off like i did in life, never answer back.

I don’t really have many friends left in life, I don’t really know were to meet girls anymore. I don’t run into any in my work day, I’m not a drunk and i’m past the bar/club scene.

I’m just looking for general advice here, I’m a very open guy and I’m willing to try anything. I always thought i’d be married before I was 30 and starting a family, and as I inch closer and closer to that age, I start to worry more and more than I’m seriously never going to end up in a relationship where I’m not cheated on (yea, i have yet to date a girl who doesn’t end up cheating on me.. and they’ve all confessed to it, its not like that some paranoid opinion).

If you read all this, God bless you for being one of the incredible people out there trying to help others.

Jeff

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’ve got a lot going for you and if you reconsider the dating field and re-strategize you’re going to be successful! 🙂

Dating is competitive, and thanks to online dating, more so than ever. When you compete, you have to know what your assets and deficits are, and what you want in a woman. You mentioned that you’re attractive, but not a movie star and you also talked about dating attractive women. When it comes to online dating, you’re not getting the yield (or anywhere close to it) that you want. So you have to lower the bar. Dating is a numbers game, and if you believe you’re not getting responses to your 120 queries, you need to consider who you’re querying and include some women who might not get a guy as attractive as you — and aren’t 10s or runners up for Miss Universe, but who are attractive enough — and who have other qualities like kindness, character, sexiness, sense of humor — and most of all who are compatible, want the same thing you do and who find you hot and datable! 😎

The really hot women you’re trying to date online are not always the sexiest or kindest women — in fact incredibly fabulous women get dumped all the time because they weren’t well matched. So reconsider appearance without dating someone you’re dreading seeing naked.

Next, reconsider the places you’re looking to meet women in person. If work and clubs are not where you want to meet them — consider the gym, the coffee shop, being set up by family and friends, parties, your bus route, group vacation services, etc. Be a little more resourceful in mining your social opportunities.

Then, be open and ramp up your game. Smile, compliment, flirt and make small talk with everyone as practice…. game isn’t just born, it’s cultivated.

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[dewdrop8]

I have to say though, I’m somewhat offended that after all I posted, you jumped the gun and just assumed all I message is 10-rating women. Seriously I set the bar pretty low as it is, hence why I always ended up getting cheated on because I always ended up dating scum.
I’ll message basically any girl who doesn’t break any of my 5 rules:
1) Isn’t 300lbs+ (they’ve gotta take care of themselves to be able to keep up with my physically active life)
2) Doesn’t have kids.
3) Doesn’t do Drugs
4) Doesn’t Smoke
5) Wasn’t a guy at one point in their life.

Thats it, honestly, I’ve messaged some girls who wern’t super attractive but seemed like a great person. Thing is, to prove my point to a friend of mine… earlier last week, I made a fake profile on the dating site, had a terrible profile setup, very little in the description, a scum basically. I put the profile picture to a guy off a picture-rating website, a guy rated 9.8. That profile got 6 messages the first day, and over 70 messages the first week.

My profile (which I’ve left sitting there in times when I was dating) received ZERO MESSAGES in the last FIVE YEARS, from women messaging first. The only messages I ever got were in responses to messages I had sent out first, and usually its a 1 in 100 women respond.

Basically, my standards are low, and that sucks. But I will not bottom out my standards to dating fat chicks just because im not hot. I’m moreso just frustrated with women being so superficial and fake.

And explain this, why do women say “I’m always up to make new friends” but if your not good looking, they don’t want to become your friend.. Seriously, I can understand wanting an attraction when dating but none of these women even give two shits to even go out for coffee and maybe make a new friend.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I didn’t mean to offend you! 😯

It doesn’t sound like you want to make any changes — just feel badly about your situation. 😳

Maybe you can find something productive that works for you in one of the suggestions I mentioned. 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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