[Perthgirl]

Hi April. Hoping you can help. I met a guy (online although we have a mutual friend)….It took us a while to meet up as we were both travelling a bit with work…anyway we organised a drink after work one Friday but I got held up and had to cancel. He has two children and he has them 50% of the time and had them that weekend which made things restricted, however he did do his best that weekend to try and catch up (asked me to the beach, for a quick coffee and over to his place for a drink (while his kids were there).I declined each time as I had plans (plus I hadn’t me him yet and even though we have a mutual friend I thought it was a bit unsafe). After I declined 3 times, he was a bit short….I think he thought I was fobbing him off. I was off overseas for 2 weeks and told him I would be in touch on my return. I didn’t hear from him and don’t think I would have either, but I figured he had tried and I did want to meet him, so I followed up as promised on my return and called him….he was still very keen to meet me…we organised lunch on a Friday. We met and had a great afternoon….got along very well and the conversation flowed. I tend to be a bit shy and reserved and guys regularly tell me I am friendly but never flirt or act interested….I think this happened again. Anyway, positive signs from him were that he touched my arm a few times when something was funny, he was potentially due back at the office at 3pm and called to say he wasn’t coming back and he asked me my plans for that night. I had plans already (a sporting event) so told him I was busy. After spending 3 hrs together, I ended up dropping him home (I had my car and it was on the way) and twice on the way home he asked me how I was getting to the event and offered me a lift as he was going out with friends and would be passing through where I live. He said to call him and let him know if I would like a lift. A couple of hours later, I text and declined a lift but said it would be great to catch up again. He replied the next day and apologised for the delayed reply and said he would call me on Monday to organise dinner. I told him I was away most of the week for work but am sure we would work something out. My problem is this…that was a week ago and I haven’t heard from him. I text him 2 days ago and asked how he was and told him to let me know if he was free later in the week and maybe we could catch up. I wouldn’t normally do that, I would tend to wait for him…but I felt like I had said no to him quite a few times and I needed to make a bit of effort. Anyway, no reply after 2 days. He is a very “in the moment” guy and does leave things a bit sometimes (ie even though we organised our lunch date he didn’t text me the venue until 2 hrs beforehand). I know he has started a new job this week but still…I expected a reply. My friends say to give him a call to say hello and prove my interest. They think he may be thinking I am hot and cold. I think he must have changed his mind though and don’t want to look stupid.Interested in your thoughts? Thankyou! x

[AskApril Masini]

Here are some things you can do to up your game and get better results, below: 😉

When you’re on a date with a guy you like, let him know you like him by flirting with him and encouraging him. 😉 When I read that this is what you did…. [quote]I tend to be a bit shy and reserved and guys regularly tell me I am friendly but never flirt or act interested….I think this happened again. [/quote] …. I understand why he’s lukewarm to cold on you. He’s a single parent with a job, and probably attractive and interesting — why should he continue to invest in someone who’s not flirtatious on a date and doesn’t even act interested? 😯 Put yourself in his shoes.

Next, if you like a guy and want to date him, then understand that declining three dates in a row is not going to send the message that you want to date him. 😉 Again, put yourself in his shoes and imagine his understanding of what happened. 😉

And if you’re going to be out of town, instead of telling him you’ll contact him on your return, which tends to emasculate guys who like to be in charge, tell him that you’d love to hear from him after such and such a date, when you’re back from wherever you’ve been. 😉 That keeps him in the driver’s seat, and lets him know your schedule. If he’s interested, he’ll call. If not, he won’t.

As for now, my advice is not to call him. You’ve already done that once, and he did take you out. You’ll know if he’s interested if he calls you for a second date. If he doesn’t, and you call him and have another date like the last one, or even better — and he still doesn’t call, you’re going to be writing me again and asking me if he likes you. The way women can tell if a guy is interested is if he chases! Give him the space to do so.

I hope that helps! 🙂

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