[Whatisthiseven]

So, I met this girl on Tinder. Yes, Tinder. That thing.

We talked for a bit over the course of 2 weeks, nothing fancy, just some small talk here and there. She seemed like a cool girl, so I asked her if she wanted to go get a drink sometime. She said she’d like that and so we did.

We met up, had a few drinks and had fun talking. At the end of the night she gave me a hug and said she had fun, I said I had a lot of fun as well and would love to see her again sometime. She responded with a big smile saying “Yes, sounds like fun!” and we went our separate ways. That night I texted her to ask if she got home safe and once again said I had fun. She responded minutes later saying she got home safely and also had a lot of fun.

I sent her a message 1-2 days later referencing some stuff we talked about on the first date, had a short conversation with her through text. After this, I said I would love to see her again and asked if she wanted to grab a bite to eat in a few days. It then took two days before she responded (never took this long before), upon which she apologized for taking so long to respond. She also said she wasn’t sure what she wanted at the moment, was having doubts and because of those doubts thought it might be better to not meet up again. So I responded a few hours later saying it was no problem at all that she took a while to respond, and suggested to just get some drinks again (I figured maybe a dinner seems a bit too intimate to her) and if at the end of that night she would have the same feelings, we would just leave it at that. I also jokingly said it wasn’t like I was asking her to marry me. Which in hindsight, might not have been that funny, but hell, I can’t change that.
Now, two days later, still no response. I know she read it, because of Whatsapp’s amazing (piece of crap) function which tells you when someone has read a message.

Now, normally I wouldn’t care all that much and just move on. However, this girl is amazing. She embodies everything I have ever wanted in a girl. It’s like someone looked into my dreams, pulled her out and put her right in front of me. And I’m not just talking about sexual attraction, I’m talking I have imagined what it would be like to marry this girl and do stuff together. I can’t get her out of my head and it’s actually made most things I usually enjoy feel incredibly mundane.
Naturally, I’m not ready to give this up. So my question is: do you think there’s anything there? I’m well aware she’s not exactly in love with me, but do you think there’s at least some attraction from her side? And do you have any advice on how to proceed with this? I was thinking it would be best to just not contact her for a while (say, a few months) and hope to run into her somewhere (we have mutual friends) and get it going from that point.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Tinder is a hook up site, and she was expecting a hook up. When it didn’t happen, she backed off. Yes. Even women look up for hook ups! 😉 And…. she’s probably moved on to other Tinder men who are more interested in the same thing she is (hook ups). My advice is that you give it a guarded try. In other words, be aware that she’s probably not interested in dating or meaningful relationships if she’s on Tinder, so if you don’t get a yes on the second try, move on.

[Whatisthiseven]

Thanks for you quick reply! Although I agree that in a lot of cases Tinder is used as a hookup app, in my area that is actually pretty uncommon. Most people around here (not USA) that are on Tinder are either looking for a relationship, or just to meet new people, not necessarily to hookup. So I’m inclined to think that might not be the reason.

[Pheonix]

The ball is clearly in her court. Basically all you can do at this point is wait patiently for her to come around….however ( and this is coming from my own experience as a woman who uses Tinder), if she doesn’t outright message you in a few days saying that she would love to meet up for another drink, it’s best that you move on.
Tinder is a strange thing…there are a lot of options and women tend to get overwhelmed with the response they get. Not to mention that women typically want to play it “nice” by not offending anyone, but their “niceness” can be confusing to guys – which sometimes gives them the idea that they have a chance. My advice is to pay attention to this dynamic in the future so that you aren’t fooled.
The bottom line: If a girl likes you and thinks somethings special is there, she will let it be known!! Don’t waste your time on the ones who don’t.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Try my advice and see if it works — whether or not you agree about Tinder, I think the advice holds up. 😉

[quote]My advice is that you give it a guarded try. In other words, be aware that she’s probably not interested in dating or meaningful relationships if she’s on Tinder, so if you don’t get a yes on the second try, move on.[/quote]

[Whatisthiseven]

Will do, thanks for the help! I’m probably going to message her again in about a week saying I’m into her, would love to see her again and that I think she’ll miss out on a great guy if she doesn’t give me a chance (have to find a way to phrase that so it doesn’t sound terribly arrogant, haha). If she doesn’t respond to that or says no, then so be it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sounds like a plan. 🙂

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