[ttolexel]

My first love and I dated for about two months when we were 13. We didn’t break up for any particular reason… he was starting high school and thought he needed a fresh start… but we remained just as close and nothing really was different between us. For the past 7 years since then, we’ve had this awful cycle of trying to get back together and it never working. When I wanted to give it a chance, he’d have a girlfriend. When he’d want a chance, I’d have another boyfriend. We’ve always been very flirtatious and honest about wanting things to be different.

About two years ago, things lined up for us to finally have a chance… He was finishing college, getting ready to move back, and started talking about the future between us. I went away for 2 months for a class that was ending two weeks after he’d be home, so I thought everything was set. About a month before I expected us to start going out again, he told me he was dating someone else. He was the same with me, but it ended the potential relationship. Shortly after, he started asking me if he should propose to his girlfriend. I told him how I felt about him and that he was too young, and he dropped the subject. I decided to go abroad for a year, and we still talked every day.

About a week after I got back, he asked me my permission to propose to her. Again, I gave the same reply and told him that I was still in love with him. A few days later, he told me he was engaged and I asked him why he even asked me. He said he’d knew I’d tell him that I loved him, and that letting us go was too hard. He expected I would hate him now, and he needed to hear it one last time. Since then, however, he’s flirted with me more in the past few months than he ever has. From the second he wakes up until he goes to bed, he’s texting or snapchatting or stalking my instagram. It’s just “I love you” and compliments and what ifs. I really wish I could excuse it as looking for sex, but it’s rarely even brought up and nothing physical has happened. I’ve tried to cut him off and give it space and just be friends, but we always end up talking again and it always goes beyond friends. Earlier this year, his fiancee found a text from me and freaked out (with good reason to), and we agreed that was the final end and deleted each other from all social media. But six weeks later, I hear from him and he tells me he doesn’t care what she says and that I mean too much to him. :/

I’ve asked him a million times to call it off. I’ve told him that it’s not fair to her for us to be this way. They’re getting married in August, and I have no idea what to do. I want him to be happy, and I don’t think he will be with her. Even if we didn’t work out, I think he deserves someone that makes him forget about me. Should I tell her? Should I force myself to walk away? Do I just let it continue? When he was drunk, he told me he didn’t want to marry her, but sober him is marrying her anyway. I don’t want to regret not taking a chance, but I don’t know what chances I have left to take.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s made his choice about who he wants to marry, and I know you’re disappointed in that choice, but since he’s engaged, the best thing you can do for yourself, is to move on. Men and women can’t be friends, and any contact you have with him now that he’s engaged, is just going to create confusion, chaos, miscommunication and hard feelings.

I hope that helps!

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