[hkavanaghm]

I am in love w/ a man who has a great deal on his plate. He is recovering from the aftermath (separated 2 years & divorced for 8 months) of a bad (if not heinous) marriage where it seems that she is a sociopath & pathological. She is a convicted felon (identity theft, forgery, credit card fraud, etc.) & steals a great deal of money from everyone that she can; (employers, business partners, husbands (she’s had 3) businesses, hell-she even shop lifts.) That being said, he is in the process of filing more felony charges against her in the hopes of attaining full custody of their 6 yr old daughter. He is over an extreme financial barrel in the aftermath of the thefts & the divorce.
I fell in love w/ him before I realized the magnitude of all the drama.
I am very generous & a caregiver & I have done everything in my power to help him through his betrayal, emotional stress, hardships, & financial crisis. I have helped him in ways to make extra money (selling goods on ebay, craigs list, etc.) I have helped him & his daughter out when I can financially; (groceries, paying bills, etc.) I shower him w/ love, romance, expressions of, gifts, time…
There are a number of issues here… We are long distance & I am making all the effort to be together because he can not afford to. His daughter is loyal to her mother & jealous of me w/ her father… & while she obviously loves me & I love & adore her, there seems to be a great deal working against me here…
We fell in love in August & now that 6 months have passed I feel that the relationship is extremely lopsided & that my needs are not remotely being met. I have spoken to him about my desire for more expression, my love languages & the ways that I EXPERIENCE love…but it doesn’t seem to change for any length of time. It is foreign to him. Love & emoting just did not take place in his family. (growing up or in his adult choices.)
I DO believe that people can grow. I believe in holding the light for those that we love & communicating through to our expanded selves. I believe that we have great opportunities in love… & yet, when are we sacrificing our needs for the sake of another…or worse-in order to simply be “loved?”…
Please know that I also believe whole heartedly in ‘attraction’ (as in the law of attraction) & I don’t know that it is as easy as leaving a relationship for another because wherever we go, there we are. Like attracts like. I am still (I’m 46) attracting men who are not available or who seem incapable of giving me what I want, deserve, & need in love.
When do we fish or cut bait? When do we hold the light for someone AS WE ALSO hold it for ourselves? I had thought that we could just get through this ‘time’ together~it could be storybook & we could be a very happy family together. *He has asked me to be “patient” w/ him. I know that he loves me but am I asking too much that we deal w/ life & simply LOVE one another?… I want to move on from the bad choices of the past & make a beautiful future together!!!
I feel so much love for both he & his daughter & I don’t want to throw the baby out w/ the bath water… but my heart aches & I don’t know what to do…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Cut bait.

Simple.

You’re suffering from some sort of problem where you don’t see reality. If he doesn’t meet your needs, the relationship is lopsided and he’s got tons of problems, then do him a favor and stop clouding his judgement with false hope. You may be a caretaker, but you’re doing a rotten job of it because you’re taking care of the wrong person. You don’t have the tools to take care of him. What you do have are the tools to take care of you.

Drop the crazy babble about the light and the love and get real. If at 46 you say you have a history of attracting unavailable men, then just quit dating anyone who isn’t available. It’s really that simple.

You’re wasting time with men who won’t treat you well, so quit it. Only date men who will treat you like you deserve to be treated — and you’d better adjust your attitude about what you deserve and don’t deserve before you find yourself 66 and still attracting unavailable men.

Do yourself a huge favor and buy my book, Think & Date Like A Man. It will be the best $15.95 you’ve ever spent — or at least in a very long time, judging from you post! You can download the book immediately at this link, and read it (it’s a short, easy read) this weekend. Here’s the link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

Love is swell, but there are lots of opportunities in life for you to love without getting hurt. Chose more wisely.

[Member]

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