[Anonymous]

Dear April,

I am a graduate student, who is currently in a Friends with Benefits relationship. Both of us are happy with the arrangement. He isn’t looking to be in a relationship right now, and I am just sick of waiting around for Mr. Right without ever getting to have any fun. Basically, we act as each other’s means to fool around, try new things, etc. (Side note, we don’t have intercourse, but most other things are free game).

We’ve never had any issues. However, many of my friends sort of frown upon it. They feel like I’m selling myself short by not demanding commitment, and they’re worried it could end badly if one of us develops feelings.He’s a regular in my circle of friends, so we all see each other often. When the two of us are in a crowd, we never have a problem acting as just friends. I’ve tried to explain that although we are attracted to each other, we simply do not wish to date. They maintain that it is not healthy and that he’s using me. I know I can’t change their opinions, but would you say in my case the arrangement is inappropriate?

Thanks.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It isn’t my place to judge what is inappropriate or not. That’s YOUR job!

I can, however, help you to understand why your friends are concerned. They think you deserve better than a friends with benefits relationship because it’s a lot harder to be available for Mr. Right when you’re in the kind of relationship you have with your friend. It’s also very common for people to develop feelings once they’re having sex (and you’re kidding yourself that sex that doesn’t include intercourse isn’t sex). That’s when heartbreak happens.

You should expand your idea of fun — I bet you can have lots of it without committing to a friends with benefits relationship. Check out my book, Think & Date Like A Man, to explore this further. I think the book will help you a lot. Here’s the link for it: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. 🙂

I hope that helps. I appreciate your exploring your feelings and I know the book will give you new ideas to consider. Follow me @AskAprilcom and on Facebook [url][/url].

[Member]

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