[Pinkprincess]

Hi there,

I need a bit of advice. I started being in an open relationship with my boyfriend and have recently started seeing someone else. We are very strictly only seeing each other for sex and have only seen each other twice. I’ve been FWB with a few people before and it’s been simple visits, with sex and then maybe crashing after if we don’t leave right away. Minimal cuddling or talking unless it was before the actual sex. Kind of like an “is this going to happen thing” or when things changed it was after it was going on for awhile. Anyways, I started talking to this guy and it was made clear that I wanted to have sex with him. We got together and we got right to it which was awesome but then he cuddled me while we watched a bit of a movie. I was like okay maybe he likes to cuddle. We had sex again and I left. We got together two weeks later and started right into it again. He’s a little bit more of a tease but also a little bit more.. Touchy feely? We start to have sex and he stops and says he was super into it but his body needs a few minutes. I think this was more of the teasing and he’s doing it to drive me nuts but then he just starts holding me and looking in my eyes and even like caressing my face. Just keeps looking at me and smiling. I found this so weird! Like I’m here to fuck you why are you acting like you love me? We eventually do have sex and then I leave again. I was kind of weirded out and not sure if I want to see him again now. Ive never been just sleeping with a guy and have him be so affectionate. Oh and he told me the first time I saw him that he hasn’t been in a relationship in 8 or 9 years and that he’s had lots of sex.

[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like you’ve only seen this guy twice, and things didn’t go the way you expected and so, that’s why you think things are weird. Everybody is different, and you got your sex-only date with him, but he just acted differently than your prior experiences in these types of relationships. I didn’t really hear anything that was all that odd — it was just a difference between what you’re used to and what happened.

Fill me in a little further if you have more specific questions. 🙂

[Pinkprincess]

I was thinking about it and I think a better way to word it is that it felt like we were making love as opposed to having sex. And I guess I find that weird because I have only seen him twice. The first time was hot and passionate and wonderful and the second it felt like he was being loving. I guess it made me uncomfortable because we’re supposed to be having sex and not really spending time together and he was pushing off sex and holding me and caressing me. I’m just worried about feelings I suppose!

[AskApril Masini]

I’m still not hearing anything really out of the ordinary. It sounds like he’s passionate, and sensual — and you are more comfortable having sex that is physical and perfunctory, but not expressive. This may just be a difference between you. Whether you’re dating, interviewing for a job or trying to find a sex partner, if you don’t use a “vetting process” you’re going to run into incompatibilities — and even if you do use a vetting process, you may, as well! Since you’ve only been with him twice, it’s hard to know if this is who he is and how he makes love or has sex all the time, or just that one time, or half the time, because you don’t have a lot of history between you.

If you’re uncomfortable with the relationship, you can always find someone else to be with. It sounds like you should give it another meeting to see if your instincts about what’s happening are correct. You’ll have more information after a third meet up. 😉

[Member]

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