I know you’re hurt, and I’m sorry. It’s difficult to look at infidelity and try to figure out if this is a relationship worth working at or not because the hurt can be so overwhelming, but because you have a 9 year marriage and two children, I think you should. Here’s what you should consider:
Cheating in a marriage doesn’t happen in a vacuum. There are reasons this happened beyond what goes on with him. There is something in the marriage that is missing for him, (and maybe you, too) and he’s getting it outside the marriage. Guys don’t cheat because they have a bad wife. They cheat because they want to feel something they don’t feel in the relationship they already have. That’s where the key to fixing this lies. Simply asking him to break off with this woman isn’t going to fix things — and you know it because you’re still anxious about the situation. Deep down, you’re still worried because you know this wasn’t the true fix.
When you’re ready — and take your time — you need to have a series of heart to heart conversations with your husband. This will be a process and it will be a lifeline for your marriage. You have to talk about where things went wrong and where you both have responsibility for this. You have to decide if you both love each other and your family enough to work through these obstacles. And you have to ask him how he can help you with your anxiety about his betrayal. Right now, you’ve told him to break up with the other woman and you’ve each gone back to your separate corners. That’s not going to work for the long run. Betrayals can actually make a marriage stronger because they point out a problem in the marriage that needs attention — and if you both choose to attend to the problems and re-commit to the marriage, you can be great. Or… one of you may reveal that this isn’t the marriage they want to stay in. But if you don’t roll up your sleeves and face the reality and the hard work, you have no chance.
I hope this helps. Let me know if you have any other questions.
