[Anonymous]

Hello,

After a big fight we had after 3 years(said some mean things that shocked her alot, hurt her alot, and it was too much for her). Basically, she done something that bothered me and she didnt know how fix it. Bottled up anger and vented her on, said that maybe we should break up and stuff. She broke down and cried alot. I apologized an hour later after saying that and she said she got hurt so bad, couldnt believe i would say a thing like that, and is CONFUSED. She doesnt knwo what she wants. She still wants me to talk to her. We met up on xmas and i gave her gifts that she really loved (thoughtful gifts). She is giving me a second (last) chance. She still needs some space to re-adjust as she said (meaning not getting really close or touchy)she only hugged me and kissed on cheeks. She also said that She wants a ‘new haircut that is trendy, cool looking, and with maybe some colors.’ She started to play with make up alot. The next day, i went over her house to help bake, she said about 2 things that hurt me (said ur not even wearing the sweater i bought you and I wanan go clubbing/rave with my guy friends [she didnt include me]) i dont know if shes doing this to piss me off. I took her to my friends holiday party, i told her i want her to come with me (she agrees to stay cause she knows she wants me there) but i took her out on a special evening (away from party) to make up things and show her i really treasure the relationship, she would talk to me as a good friend not a boyfriend. We talked some more and i asked her randomly why all these changes all of a sudden… she said “during the day i broke down, my friend told me to not be dependent on someone or something for happiness, look/make your own happiness.” She said she just needs more time to figure things out. I didnt know how to respond to that but just reassured her that i am here to support her, love her, be there for her, try my best to not burden her but rather be part of her happiness (hopefully good amount of it). Before the fight i would say she would find me as 50-60% of her happiness. She kissed me on the lips and it felt almost the same except the feeling that she had to stop it from progressing, so to say she didnt want to get too touchy with me.

Her guy friends and her are on winter break so they have alot of time to spend with each other. So i dont know how to look at this, is she doing this because she is still angry at me for what i did? or is she afraid that if shes with me again i would let her down? or she is tired of being dependent on me for her sole happiness? help please, any advice would help :/ We fought on dec 19th. Met up on 25th. Maybe i should let time tell? I think its pretty early to be asking for answers but i dont know. Maybe she will realize that she is a bit lonely when her and all her friends go back to school. Thanks for reading this

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s less important why your girlfriend is asking you for space than that she is asking for it — and taking it. She’s acting like she wants to try out being single and I think you should pay attention to her actions. You can give the separation time, but if she continues to go clubbing with a guy friend, and not showing you the affection or time that she did when you were together, you should consider the fact that she’s closing out the relationship after three years.

She is comfortable having you as a friend who hangs out with her, now, but if you’re not comfortable with this transitional status, then you should take care of your own needs, just as she’s doing for herself. Chances are that if and when one or both of you starts dating someone else seriously, you both won’t feel as comfortable being just friends, as you do now.

So for now, let it ride, and be mindful of her behavior as your cue to the direction of the relationship.

[Ella Marie]

She wants to be independent and make her own way of happiness. I think she felt much pain when you had a fight and saying those mean thing to her. Give her space and time to heal. mean words really hurt especially when it comes from the person you loved. Next time don’t let your anger ruin your respect to your girlfriend.

[Member]

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