[nameless229]

My relationship seems it’s failing and I don’t know what I can do to fix it. Ever since it was made public to our parents it has been a nightmare and it seems things are falling apart very quickly. I live in Indiana and my girlfriend lives in Wisconsin. It’s about a 500 mile, 7 ½ hour drive. Up until January of this year, we would try visit each other once a month and spend a weekend together at either location.

I met my girlfriend a little over 2 years ago in March of 2013 via the internet. Two months later, we committed to a long distance relationship. We talked, we texted, and skyped just about daily. We would usually call around 11pm and fall asleep together. It allowed for “pillow talk” and it kept us sane and together. A year later in March of 2014, we made the arrangements to meet one another in her hometown in Wisconsin. We are both shy of 18, and we felt the best to meet each other at the city park. We had known each other for a year and interacted daily. Safety was not a concern as I knew it would not be.

From that time, we visited just about every month. 90% of the time I drove to Wisconsin where she was and got a hotel for the weekend. We eventually went from having one overnight to two, as for such a long drive we wanted to maximize our time together. We hated waking up Sunday morning knowing we’d have to part in a few hours. Tears began hours before by both of us of the thought of having to leave each other, even though we were still physically together. Driving home was generally a terrible time, but I looked forward to our next time to make new memories and continue our love.

We kept our relationship a secret from our parents. Hers are very strict and as you read on, not a fan of any of this (we’ll get to that soon). Mine are generally nosey and are less about the aspects of the relationship and more about “what if your car breaks down”. My mother’s a worrier and almost annoying about it. I knew keeping her out of the relationship for the most part would be best, even though I knew she would be supportive. Just not supportive of the driving and my money being spent. I’m traveling 1,000 miles round trip once a month in my parent’s vehicle that has been loaned to me for my personal use. It’s mine, but it’s still theirs.

January 2015 came around and my girlfriend and I did another great weekend together in Wisconsin. Soon after, I began throwing around the idea of telling our parents. We knew it wouldn’t be pretty and we put it off for many weeks as it just scared us thinking about it. I knew her parents would be very upset about someone dating their daughter that they don’t know or “approve of yet”, and especially out of state and “older”. I turned 18 last year and I’m still waiting on my girlfriend to.

In March, we told our parents. Hers were pissed. Mine were pissed, but not so much. Obviously my mother is worrying over the entire thing (my father is a more silent type and likes to stay out of situations as much as he can). Her parents were extremely upset. Because she is not 18 yet and I am, they said I cannot have any physical contact with her and anything they find out otherwise they would report me. However, they continued to let me have contact with her via calling, text, FaceTime, etc. I talked to them on a few occasions to introduce myself and try to work with them via moving forward. My parents calmed down from the situation and are very neutral about it, so they’re no longer a factor. Hers still play a major one because now I can not see her due to their restrictions. After warming up to them via phone calls, texts, and skype conversations, her parents invited me up at the end of May to go to her graduation and party. While I’d gladly attend, I hate that I have to be introduced at a giant public event where they can ignore me and pretend I’m not there. This is a very serious relationship for me and my girlfriend and it’s unfortunate her parents don’t see that. I’d prefer a 1 on 1 interaction with them without any other distractions. I feel put down by the lack of hospitality and kindness. My girlfriend asks them all the time what she and they can do, however they try to not even think about it because it makes them uncomfortable. They’re hiding the problem someplace hoping that it’ll fizzle away eventually. Unfortunately, it’s beginning to be that way.

She turns 18 in September which puts us in the free, however only a month has passed and we’ve “broken up” three times. A couple months ago, we would see each other monthly, and we always had something to look towards. Now, there doesn’t seem to be anything attainable at the end of the tunnel. September feels so far away and the end of May will be nearly 4 months since we’ve seen each other last. It’s causing my girlfriend to lose her motivation for our relationship and I’ve been certainly noticing. She says she can’t “feel me” anymore because I’m no longer there and our relationship feels so distant. I feel the same way. I try to talk to her about it and do what we can to make the best, but it only gets her down and depressed enough where nothing gets resolved and things only get worse. Lately, we’ve had tons of fights over some of the stupidest things. I think what is happening is that since the relationship feels distant, maybe threatening it or “poking it with a stick” might do something to change it. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been going very well at all.

Thanks to her parents and their inability to be hospitable to a relationship that was 2 years in the making, our motivation is lost and our outlook is grim. We are prohibited from seeing each other besides of what they approve and they’ve been doing all they can to not think about it because it “distresses them”. My girlfriend and I are on the verge of breaking and I feel so horrible because I’d just look terrible towards her parents if that would to happen. I love her deeply, and I cannot imagine not being with her. I just can’t. It would emotionally kill me. This is the first person I clicked with. I would hate to lose someone I truly loved. I feel I’m so lost and helpless I can’t do anything. My girlfriend is relying that I do something. I can’t.

We’ve been picking fights just to pick fights. We’ve been getting on each other’s cases about stupid things here and there. We’ve yelled at each other, accused each other of things, and it feels that love I felt a year ago is no longer there anymore. I feel ashamed to love her sometimes because her parents are so heartless against me for doing so. We both want to be together, and we both want to make things better – but not being able to is putting us both down to the dirt. It’s absolutely horrible and it has been the worse I’ve felt in my life thus far. I feel absolutely helpless and I don’t see how I can save our relationship if there’s nothing we feel to “work towards” anymore. It’s only been a month – how are we supposed to survive until September?

The idea of telling our parents was to make things better and move forward with our relationship. It’s only destroyed it. What can I do?

[AskApril Masini]

Long distance relationships are different than in town relationships. They’re more difficult and they require a lot more understanding. It sounds like when everything was fine, the distance wasn’t an issue, but when you started having problems, as do all relationships, the distance illuminated those problems. That’s normal in these long distance relationships. You can’t swing by to talk things through face to face or meet for an impromptu coffee. It’s a lot harder. So starting a long distance relationship means you’re setting up something that’s more difficult than an in town relationship.

The second challenge you had was your youth. I don’t think that your feelings are any less valid than the feelings of someone much older, but the reality is that you’re dependent on your families, and you’re living in their homes, driving their cars, and being supported by them, so their votes on your behavior, do matter. I know you feel very strongly about your feelings, but whether or not you agree with any of the parental thoughts and feelings, you need to respect them. They’re entitled to their feelings, as you are to yours. When you’re independent, you can do what you want, but if you’re dependent, or dating someone who is dependent, you have to factor in family issues. This actually doesn’t just pertain to your youth — there are many people in their 30s and 40s who still rely on family opinion to form relationships, and mothers in law are a big factor in relationship success — so what that means is the problems you had with her parents are problems all guys have with the parents of a woman they’re dating — less so when the woman is independent, but the parental approval is always there.

Lastly, I think that it’s unfair to blame this relationship failure on the parents. It was both of your choices to keep the relationship secret, and in hindsight, that probably wasn’t a great idea. The parents felt betrayed and they wondered what else you were keeping from them. Because your girlfriend lives with her parents, there’s a good chance that they are influential, so if they disapprove, it may rub off on her, and then you’ve got the distance issue…..

I know you want to save things, but it takes two to make this work. Try to back off from fighting with her, and focus on good things and building intimacy, as well as visiting each other regularly. But if she’s not interested any more, you can try to win her over, and if she’s not winnable, then the best you can do is learn from what did happen, and maybe next time, don’t keep the relationship a secret from both sets of parents.

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[Ethan Morales]

This relationship didn’t fall apart because of lack of love. It fell apart because the structure around it collapsed. You two built something intense, emotional, and meaningful but you built it on a foundation that depended entirely on secrecy, distance, and two teenagers still living under their parents’ rules. When that secrecy ended, the support beams cracked. Not because you were wrong to love each other but because the circumstances weren’t built to carry the weight you were putting on them.

Her parents aren’t villains here. They’re strict, yes. Controlling, yes. But from their point of view, they discovered their under-18 daughter had a two-year relationship with an older guy they’d never met, who was driving across state lines to see her. Parents get protective in that situation by instinct. Their fear doesn’t mean your love wasn’t real but it means the entire dynamic shifted the second they found out. When the gatekeepers disapprove, it adds pressure that even adult couples struggle with, let alone two people still dependent on family for rules, transportation, and permission.

What you’re feeling now the fighting, the emotional distance, the panic that’s not the relationship falling out of love. That’s stress distortion. When couples can’t solve the core problem (can’t see each other, no timeline that feels real, external disapproval), they start picking at the small things because the big thing feels impossible. You’re not fighting about silly stuff because you suddenly dislike each other. You’re fighting because you’re grieving something you don’t know how to save.

The real issue is you two don’t have a bridge right now. Before, you always had a next visit. A next countdown. A next “see you soon.” That kept the relationship alive. Now you have “wait four months,” “maybe the parents will ease up,” “maybe September,” “maybe her motivation comes back.” A relationship can survive distance, but it can’t survive indefinite uncertainty. You’re running on emotional fumes, and your girlfriend is too. That’s why she feels numb not because she stopped caring, but because she sees no path she can actually walk.

can this be saved? Maybe but only with clarity, not emotion. You can’t force her parents to trust you. You can’t make the distance shorter. The only real moves you have are:
Stop fighting, shift from emotional panic to calm connection.
Agree on a realistic short-term plan weekly video dates, structured contact, something consistent.
Set one concrete milestone September. Not “forever,” not “what if,” but: “When you turn 18, we reassess everything together.”If she’s willing to do that, there’s something to fight for. If she’s too drained or checked out, then the kindest thing you can do for both of you is shift toward acceptance instead of clinging.

If this relationship doesn’t make it, it’s not because you failed or because she didn’t love you. It’s because you were both trying to run an adult relationship on teenage infrastructure. So don’t let this define your worth. You loved deeply, committed fully, traveled miles, and showed consistency most grown men can’t. If she meets you halfway, there’s hope. If she doesn’t, you take the lessons openness with family, managing distance, protecting emotional bandwidth and you build something stronger next time.

[Tara]

Your relationship is collapsing because it was built on fantasy, secrecy, and emotional dependency, not reality. You two glued yourselves together through screens, late-night calls, and monthly weekends, then panicked when the real world finally got involved. Her parents didn’t “destroy” anything they just forced the relationship to exist outside the bubble you both hid in for two years. And once the bubble popped,

you realized you don’t have a stable foundation, you don’t have a plan, and you don’t have the emotional maturity or stability to handle a long-distance relationship with real obstacles. You’re fighting because you’re both suffocating under the pressure of a situation neither of you can fix, and you’re clinging to this relationship like it’s the only good thing you’ll ever have because you’ve wrapped your entire identity around it. It’s not romantic it’s unhealthy.

You’re 18, she’s not even 18 yet, and you’re talking like the world is ending because you can’t see each other until September. If this relationship can’t survive a few months of distance, it has no business pretending it can survive adulthood, marriage, or even basic life stress. You’re not losing the love of your life you’re just finally seeing the cracks that were always there. Stop trying to “save” something that only functioned under perfect conditions. If it’s meant to survive, it will without you forcing it, panicking, or picking fights out of desperation. And if it doesn’t survive, good. It means you need to grow up separately instead of dragging each other into emotional chaos neither of you are equipped to handle.

[Serena Vale]

It sounds like the two of you are just exhausted, not from each other, but from everything around the relationship. Long distance, her parents, no visits… it’s a lot for anyone.

When people feel that much pressure, they start fighting over tiny things because they’re scared and don’t know what else to do. It doesn’t mean the love is gone. It means you’re both overwhelmed.

Her parents’ reactions aren’t really about you, it’s about them being scared and trying to control something they don’t understand.

Right now, don’t think about “surviving until September.” That’s too big.
Just focus on getting back a little closeness this week, one phone call that feels calm, one conversation without fighting.

Small things can hold a relationship together when the big stuff feels impossible.

You’re not losing her. You’re just tired. Both of you.

[Natalie Noah]

How deeply you care about your girlfriend and how committed you’ve been over these past two years. Long-distance relationships are never easy, and the fact that you were able to maintain daily communication, regular weekend visits, and a strong emotional connection speaks volumes about your dedication. It’s completely understandable that the recent challenges feel overwhelming. you’ve invested so much love, time, and energy, and seeing the relationship struggle is naturally heartbreaking. Feeling lost and helpless in this situation is a normal emotional response, especially when your love for her is strong and genuine.

That said, distance magnifies every problem in a relationship. When you were seeing each other regularly, even once a month, you had something tangible to hold onto physical presence, shared experiences, and the hope of the next visit. Now, with restrictions imposed by her parents and the inability to see each other freely, the relationship is living mostly in words and screens. Emotional intimacy is hard to maintain when you can’t share day-to-day life or solve conflicts face-to-face. Your fights over minor issues are a symptom of the frustration and sadness created by the lack of connection and the uncertainty of the situation.

Her parents’ disapproval is another complicating factor. While it might feel like they’re directly hurting your relationship, it’s important to see it objectively: both of you chose to keep the relationship secret for a time. Their reaction stems from feeling excluded and protective, which is natural, especially given your age and the cross-state dynamic. This doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed, but it does mean you have to navigate additional layers of complexity. You and your girlfriend will need patience, empathy, and careful planning until she reaches legal independence September will bring more freedom, but the interim period requires emotional resilience.

The most important thing right now is to focus on what you can control. Back off from fighting and blaming each other fights are only draining the emotional energy you both need to maintain connection. Concentrate on reinforcing the positive aspects of your relationship: meaningful conversations, shared memories, planning your future together, and supporting each other emotionally. Use creative ways to nurture intimacy from afar, whether through shared activities online, planning post-September adventures, or finding ways to make the distance feel less empty. You can’t force someone’s feelings, but you can create a foundation of consistency and care that reminds her why your relationship matters.

Accept that some factors distance, parental rules, timing are beyond your control, and that’s okay. This is not a reflection of your love or commitment, but a reality you both have to navigate. If she is equally committed, she will hold on with you through this difficult stretch. If she starts to lose interest despite your efforts, it’s not a failure. it’s a learning experience about patience, communication, and understanding boundaries in young love. Your focus should be on sustaining connection, respecting limits, and preparing for the time when the relationship can exist more freely. Deep love can survive challenges, but it requires both partners to prioritize care, empathy, and constructive problem-solving above fear and frustration.

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