[night_hawk]

So, I met a wonderful girl, and I’ve run into an issue and I’m not sure how to progress. We’ve been talking about for about 5 weeks, and we’ve been on three fantastic dates so far, each one better than the one before. Admittedly we probably have been moving a bit fast, and it seems like both of us let our emotions take a hold. Well, last week I didn’t get to see her; she was leaving town for a week to go home for a friend’s wedding. This is where the issues arose.

I figured out shortly after she added me on facebook that she’s divorced, and I’m guessing a little over a year. She never mentioned to me, which is ok as I can understand these things can be painful to talk about. Anyway, she asked me before she left if it would be alright if she called me sometime that week, which I responded saying she can call me anytime she’d like. I also asked her to let me know when she made it home, just so I knew she arrived safely. She did, but after that it was quiet for the week. I left her be; I figured she just was spending time with her family and was busy.

Anyway, the day she said she was coming home, I gave her a call. No answer. Didn’t hear from her like I usually do, so I thought something was wrong. Had a conversation with a female friend about the situation, and from her opinion what she thought was happening is she was feeling down because of the wedding and all the memories it brought forward.

Now, I’m going to be honest and say the previous week had been absolutely horrible for me, and I’ve been pretty stressed out myself. I haven’t been myself and the situation with her was heavy on my heart and I wasn’t thinking rationally. I sent her a message on facebook two days after I called her, and while at the time I thought I was being nice, I realize now I overstepped my bounds with what I said by trying to get into her business. I mentioned to her that I knew she was married, and assumed that was the reason she was being distant. I told her I understand that she’s probably feeling down, and that with things going so fast between us I can understand she probably has a lot on her mind. I also told her to not be afraid to talk to me, and that I’m here should she need anything. I also told her if she needs space that’s fine, too, and that if I don’t hear from her again I wish her all the best.

She responded to that, stating she was sorry and that she’s trying to get through some things and that she’s down in the dumps.

I told her that if she needed space, or needed to talk, either way is fine and I’ll be around.

She thanked me for that.

I also not to stay at home and brood, but to get out of the house and find somewhere relaxing to think.

Now, I haven’t talked to her since, and looking back at what I said, I feel really bad for saying what I said. I shouldn’t have brought up her personal life as it really isn’t any of my business. I want to give her the space she needs but I also feel like I owe her an apology. Would it be wrong for me to send her a quick text apologizing to her? Should I give it a few days before I do so? I don’t want to be a pest.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

This isn’t really about giving her space. It’s actually about etiquette! 😉 You’re right, it wasn’t a great idea to tell her you figured out on your own that she’s divorced, rather than ask her yourself — on Facebook. 😕 It would have been better to talk to her about her past marriages as part of your dating life, in person. When you have personal questions, it’s much more polite to ask them face to face in a way that allows her to respond. The problem with your sending her texts and FB messages, at this point, is that it’s not a two way street. You don’t get to see her reaction in real time, and she doesn’t get the opportunity to respond, or ask you questions in real time. So my advice is not to text her to apologize, but to do it in person on your next date. 😉

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[night_hawk]

Thanks, you’re absolutely right. I’m just worried if there will be another date. Hopefully I didn’t scare her off with the message I sent. She is a very sensitive and complicated one. She really likes dogs and animals, so I shared kind of a cute meme/comic with her on her wall. Hopefully that isn’t being pesty. She did “like” it. That probably sounds completely dorky though. This facebook and technology stuff is really tedious. All this networking just makes dating way more complicated than it needs to be. You have any advice about not driving myself crazy with not knowing how things are gonna go?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

People change their behavior because they want to, so when you’re ready to use a little more discipline with your impulsiveness, you will! 😉 You know what to do — less is more — and now you just have to decide that you want to text or call or e-mail less and close the deal more.

For further tips and advice, you should buy and read the book I wrote for men who want to win with women. It will help you a lot! Here’s the link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. 😀

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

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