[twk187]

I’ve been dating an amazing girl for nearly two years now. Recently we’ve hit a rough patch and things have been falling apart. It all started when I told her I was in a relationship before we were together after I had told her she was my first girlfriend. The previous relationship wasn’t much of one at all because it was long distance and I was really young and didn’t know what love was. She keepa bringing it up and how I’ve betrayed her trust and how she doesn’t know of she can ever trust me again. I’ve expressed how sorry I was for keeping it from her for so long and she knows I’m sorry, but she’s at the breaking point. She says I don’t know how to handle her peoblems and make her feel good anymore. I haven’t had a lot of experience with handling issues from girls so I think my problem is inexperience and the fact I try to fix things like right away. It just seems like when I try to comfort her I do the opposite. Shes quick to point out flaws in me and our relationship but for some reason she doesn’t know of she wants to leave me. I’m head over heels for this woman and I don’t want anyone else. She wants things to be good again but she doesn’t know if they can or will be. I’m just not sure what to do. I love her and I want to be with her. Surely there’s other ways than breaking up that can resolve any problem we face. I just don’t know how to handle things when she’s upset and then she gets mad at my comments when all I want to do is help. Our relationship is long distance(about two hours) and it has been since we started dating. When’s we’re together things are better than when we’re a part. She said she wants more consistency from me when we’re not together. Something I used to know how to do. I want to get that spark in our relationship back. I want her to miss me like she used to and I want to be able to tell I make her happy and that she can’t wait to see me again. I just dont know how to make her see that I’m still good and that I will csre for her more than anyone else could. Any suggestions on how to be a better person?

[Clara]

How old are you both?

[twk187]

20 years old

[twk187]

20 years old.

[Clara]

Okay, well, you’ve thrown a lot in here, so let me try to break it down for you. First of all, you mentioned that she was upset that you neglected to tell her that you dated a woman before you dated her. 😯 It really sounds like she’s making a mountain out of a molehill. After all, you didn’t cheat on her. You simply didn’t feel that the prior relationship was important enough to talk about. This isn’t your fault. Neither one of you is right or wrong. This isn’t something you can fix — in fact, I’d advise you to just let it go. If you bring it up, she’s going to take it as criticism and it will further stir things up with her. So let it go, but acknowledge it, as you figure out who she is, who you are, and who you are together.

When you write that she’s upset that you don’t know how to handle her problems, I’m not sure why she thinks you’re supposed to handle her problems, or why you think you are. She needs to find ways to handle her own problems, as do you. If you can help each other, that’s great, but you’re your own people and you have to take responsibilities for your own lives. That goes for whether you’re 20 or 120, married or dating! 😉

You mentioned that when you try to comfort her, you end up doing the opposite. Give me some examples and I can try to help you, specifically. 🙂

And when you mentioned that she said she wants more consistency when you’re not together — why don’t you elaborate on what that means — what you used to do, and are no longer doing to give her consistency. Then I can try to help you.

If you want some general dating advice, you should get an e-book I wrote for men who want to win with women. It will help you with some general dating and relationship tips. You can get it here (it’s only $8.99), and it’s called [b]Date Out of Your League[/b]. [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]

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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[twk187]

She’s not so caught up on the fact of me being in that realtionship. Its more the fact that I lied about not being in one before I met her. Ever since that came out our relationship has started to crumble because now she doesn’t trust me. Without her trust eveeything else is going to suffer as well. I guess my main question is, no matter the person, or the situation, how do you start building up trust again?

[Clara]

The way you build trust after you’ve lost it is simply to earn it back. That takes time and shared experiences. The other person has to want to be in the relationship, in order to give you the opportunity to earn it back. When couples overcome a setback, it’s because they both want to make it work, and they’re willing to put in the time and energy.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter[i] @AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Member]

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