[kaths111]

Hi… I’m really unsure what to do about my particular situation. I recently met a guy, but while we were dating, I realised we weren’t wholly compatible. Mostly because I am a career-driven woman, and he was still unsure about what career he wanted to do. Also, I felt like he wouldn’t be able to emotionally support me later, as I go through the challenges of trying to achieve my career goals. I also realised I’m an emotionally unavailable woman at the moment, because I like to keep very busy and am yet to heal from past scars – both from relationships, and other situations in life. However, I still think of him… I want him to talk to me, to show me he’s still interested in being a part of my life… But after I had told him how I felt, he had not pursued a conversation. I had asked to be friends, and that I was still open to catching-up if he wanted to – and he had agreed, and said he would also like to catch-up; but only if it doesn’t get in the way of my doing other things. What do I do? How do I grow as a person to later have a positive, healthy relationship with a man, even if it’s not with him? 😕

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s great that you’re in touch with yourself and your issues — but it really sounds like you’re lonely. He’s not Mr. Right, but you’re looking for attention, because you really would like someone in your life to talk to, have fun with — but not interfere with your career goals. You’re also a little gun-shy because of some past hurts. I think that if you accept that you are emotionally available — to the right person — you may be happier. It sounds like you need someone who’s possibly a little more on the same career page, or ahead of you, so they’re understanding and more of an equal when it comes to those goals. As for your past, I’m not sure exactly what you’ve been through, but the best way to heal is to be gentle and conscious with yourself, and reach out for companionship and intimacy with others.

I hope that helps.

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[kaths111]

Thanks, April.

I think you’re right in a lot of ways. I think I want a relationship, not purely just for the fact I like a guy, but also because I want to fall in love/have that reaffirmation etc.

The question now is.. how do I stop that pattern? I never thought about that until you said so in your advice, but now I don’t know how to change for the better…

I also realise now that I’ve been acting like a victim in terms of my past hurts, and that’s why I’ve let it affect me/let myself carry them. So I do know I have to accept things, and stop acting like the victim in this regard…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s great to not just fall in love with a man, but also have a life partner for business successes that are parallel, combined (like buying a home, investing money, etc.), and building a family together. It’s not just about love. 😉 Compatibility is huge. To stop acting like the victim and becoming a slave to your past requires consciousness and discipline. Because you’re successful in business, I’m sure you’ll have a leg up on achieving this goal. It requires knowing you’re going to take a pie in the face every now and then (go watch reruns of Sex and the City), and that you’re going to fail a few times before you hit your stride — and that that’s okay. Nobody ever died from rejection, and it may take some time to find the right guy. When you do find yourself feeling uncomfortable, angry or hurt, try to get super conscious of your feelings and analyze why you feel the way you do. That’s who you start getting over your past hurts. When you know what you feel and why you feel it, you can avoid situations that make you feel bad or change your own behavior — for instance, maybe you should only date guys who are as successful as you or more so, to avoid feeling resentful that you’re taking care of guys who aren’t. I’m sure you can think of other examples.

Hope that helps!

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[kaths111]

This is about a different guy friend 🙂
A month and a half ago, I met a new guy who has recently become a part of our committee for an organization. He’s started to tease me quite a bit in work meetings, things like whether I’m blushing, whether there are other guys in the picture etc. One time, I had to Skype in for a meeting and he was looking at the screen (with my face on it), and says “you’re beautiful but I’m really looking at myself”. He’s very professional with everyone else, but he turns into a very cheeky character every time he and I make contact. He also mentions anytime we message in Facebook (which isn’t often) and storytells about it. But interestingly we haven’t really made contact outside of our work, or communicate much outside of work meetings.

I’ve been a bit unsure why he would be a very fun, jokey guy with just me, but then become incredibly professional with others.

I did notice, at a networking event, he was also jokey with another girl (in front of me) who was approximately our age. So I did think it was just part of his personality to be jokey around girls who are our age.

But it’s interesting because he risks breaking professionalism in our work meetings just to make me smile. It also got to the point that the president of our organization, one of my good friends, mentioned whether he should split the two of us up (as if we were back in primary school).

What do you think?

Thanks.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like he likes you.

I hope that helps!

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