[Anreyes]

I I’ve been with my bf for a little more then a year. I’ve told him I loved him 6 months into the relationship and he said ” I could love him if I want.” He said he cares a lot about me and he doesn’t want to say he loves me if he doesn’t and end up hurting me. That in time he thinks he can get to that place but so many people have let him down within relationships and family so it’s hard for him to allow himself to get to that place. I told him I just don’t want waste my time if you can’t get to that place to where he can say it. It’s not so much of him saying I love it for me it’s the meaning behind it. Now that it’s been 7 months later I don’t know how to talk to him about it or even bring it up because I dont want to get shot down again. It’s just like I said I do t want to waste my time. And I feel like you should know if you love someone within a year and 4 months I just don’t know how to talk to him about it.

[AskApril Masini]

How old are you both?

[Anreyes]

21

[AskApril Masini]

Got it. So, if you’re committed to the idea of being with someone who knows that they love you in a certain time period, and he doesn’t, then you should move on. Staying, like this, is just torturing yourself and him. 😕 However…. if you want to stay with him then you should stop pressuring him to have feelings that may or may not come in time. Not everybody gets to the same place, emotionally — or if they do, at the same time. It sounds like you have a clear idea of your expectations, and he’s not meeting them. That’s disappointing, but you have choices. You can either move on and look for someone who is more compatible, or stay and nurture the relationship, or stay and pressure him, which will lead to a break up without a lot of grace.

I hope that helps. 🙂

[Sally]

A year and four months is a long time to still be waiting for someone to know how they feel. You’re not asking for a word just to hear it. You’re asking for the safety and commitment behind it. That’s reasonable.

What he’s saying about his past might be true. Some people are genuinely scared to say I love you. But here’s the part that matters more: you’ve been clear about what you need, and he’s been clear that he’s not there yet. Neither of you is wrong but that doesn’t mean you’re compatible long-term.

Avoiding the conversation won’t protect you. It just stretches the waiting. You don’t have to demand anything. You can simply say, I care about you, but I need to know if love is something you see yourself reaching with me, not someday, but realistically.
If he still can’t answer, that is an answer. And staying silent out of fear of being shot down will slowly hurt more than hearing the truth.

[Tara]

The truth is simple and ugly: he doesn’t love you, and he’s been telling you that from day one, you just refused to listen.
A man who wants you doesn’t “maybe someday” for over a year. A man who loves you doesn’t let you hang in emotional limbo while he protects himself at your expense. His trauma is not depth — it’s a shield. And he’s using it to keep you invested without committing.

“I could love you if you want” is not caution. It’s emotional laziness. He’s letting you do the emotional labor while he keeps the exit door wide open. You’re not special to him; you’re safe, convenient, and available. That’s why he stays. Not because he’s falling in love.

You’re scared to bring it up again because you already know the answer. You don’t want to hear another soft rejection, so you’re freezing instead of acting. That’s how people waste years, not months, years.

Yes, you should know by now. And he knows too. He just doesn’t want to say it out loud because then he’d lose the benefits of the relationship while feeling like the bad guy.
Here’s how you talk to him: you don’t negotiate, explain, or beg. You state one sentence, and you shut up. “I need a partner who knows they love me. If you’re not there after this much time, I’m done.” Then you watch what he does, not what he says.

[Member]

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