[JLMF484]

Hi –

So here is a little back story -I’ve met this guy about a month ago, and we started dating and really hit it off and things have been going well, is a TRUE gentleman, always making sure I’m OK and comfortable, letting me go before him, opening doors, making me dinner etc.On average we see one another once a week, and every date we’ve ever gone on has been a sleepover at the end. (including the first date – it went so well I invited him to the beach in the morning with a friend and I and he stayed over to make it easier to come with us, we live in NYC)

Now we have only fooled around once (about a week ago) but other than that it has been strictly just making out. Last night I asked him how long he usually dates someone before he has sex with them and his response was “I generally don’t rush it, and as long as both people are happy, it’s fine” or something along those lines – My question is, what does that even mean?

I’m kind of a cynical person, and I’ve had trouble with guys in the past with trust, and them not treating me very well, so this is all kind of new to me. BUT I’ve also dated guys where everything seemed to be going well and then the guy just out of the blue said he wasn’t ready for where it was going, and then dropped me – so I’m in a really fragile state. NOW his response makes me paranoid and the following thoughts are going through my head, does he not want to sleep with me because he’s a) he is also seeing someone else? b) he’s not that into me?

I’m all about waiting to have sex, I think it makes the foundation of a potential relationship stronger, but I’m not used to a guy being the one who initiates the wanting to wait.

Please let me know your thoughts. Am I making myself crazy for nothing or is it too soon to tell, or what?

-Jess

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Both a) and b) may be true, but in order for you not to feel paranoid, it will help to understand that most people date for about three months before they decide whether or not they want to continue dating. Because you’ve instituted “sleep overs” from the very first date, you’ve probably gotten emotionally invested before either one of you is sure you know each other enough to keep dating. It’s also a pretty good bet to assume he’s dating others, too, until he decides he wants to be monogamous. So don’t assume you’re the only one.

Since it’s only been a month, you should slow down and let him take the lead (ALWAYS a good idea). Guys want to make the first move, and if they feel like you’re pushing them, they won’t feel as attracted, so it’s a good idea to back off and see where he takes you.

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