[xxxconfused]

Hi,

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have had a lot of ups and downs. I have been very insecure in the past and havent been the best girlfriend. He hasnt been perfect and has made a few mistakes like texting other girls but nothing major. Sometimes i dont know how he stayed with me because if he acted the way i had i wouldnt have stayed with him. I have also done a few minor things but nothing major. I had got a lot less insecure but still didnt make it easy for him to go out to the pub or go with his friends.

About 4 months ago we had a fight and he wanted to break up. We are only 22 and have never really been with anyone else before. I also kind of wanted the break as its scary to think of being only with one person for the rest of your life. But he was the one who had the courage to do it. We broke up and he text me a few times wanting to meet up but i said no as he stil felt the same. It was never about not loving each other but i didnt want to get back with him unless i knew he wanted to be with me.

We broke up for 2 weeks and he text me saying he wanted to come over so i gave in. He came over and said he really wanted me back n its more scary for him to be without me. He then told me he had kissed someone else. I was shocked but surprisingly i wasnt as hurt as i thought i would have been. I dont know whether it was because i just wanted him back. I also knew it was something he needed to do to. You cant live your life wondering what is out there as you have never been with anyone else. I was upset and thought about it for a few weeks but i was really happy and was much more secure in the relationship. We have never got on better than now. But over the last few weeks i cant stop thinking about him kissing that girl. I think has it givin him a taste for it and will he want to do it again. I hate the fact that he was with someone else since we have been together. He gets really angry when i bring it up because he thinks i make him feel like he has cheated when he hasnt.

I want more than anything to work it out and not think about it but i dont want to get really insecure again. I need to know if i shouldnt have taken it back. It was very soon when he kissed someone but i think he just needed to know if it was what he wanted and the sooner he did it then he would know.

Please give me your opinion.

Thanks

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He kissed another woman while you were broken up, so it’s not fair for you to blame him in any way. This isn’t cheating. That said, I understand why you feel jealous, but it also seems like you are both too young to be together forever right now. Clearly, he wants to experience more of the world, and at some point he’s going to want to experiment with someone else with more than just kissing. This isn’t necessarily a rejection of you — it’s just his desire to experience more of the world before he commits to a marriage like relationship. Some people want to travel the world before they settle in one city with a boyfriend. Some people don’t want to commit to a college boyfriend because they want to see what it’s like to date different types of people first. This isn’t true for everyone, but it sounds like your boyfriend is interested in experimenting and because the two of you care about each other and have been together for the better part of your late teens and early 20s, he hasn’t had the opportunity.

Sometimes people love each other, but aren’t compatible because of these types of differences. It sounds like this is the case with the two of you. He’s afraid to be alone, especially because he loves you and has been with you for so long, but he’s also going to want to try things outside of the relationship, without hurting you — which is impossible. For this reason, I think your relationship has run it’s course for now. Maybe in a few years, after you’ve both dated other people, you’ll realize that you belong together — or else you’ll realize you loved each other when you did, but you’re not supposed to be together in the long run.

I hope that helps. Please let me know how things go. And follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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