[Anonymous]

I’ve known my boyfriend for a year but we’ve been dating for roughly 9 months. We met online, didn’t expect to meet someone online let alone a video game but it just happened that way.

We lived on opposite ends of the country but every chance he got he would come see me or have me come to him, at his expense. After a few months he asked me to move to be with him, he had claimed he never felt this way about anyone. It went against everything I had set for myself but I felt the same.

End of January he lost his job, he pushed everyone he knew away; friends, family, even me. We lived together though so it was different with. He started acting cold and mean, I would try to ask him what was wrong and just talk to him to figure out what I could do to help. I was out of a job myself but I was looking. A few days passed and he finally broke down and said a phrase to me which hurt so deep.

[quote]I love you and I want to be with you, I just don’t feel like I did with you in the beginning and I don’t think I ever will so I want to break up.[/quote]

It crushed me, I didn’t understand what he meant it didn’t make sense to me. I told him exactly how I felt and what would happen if I left. He asked me to leave and it broke my heart but I did. A week goes by and he asks me to come home, I begin to question him asking what’s different but he couldn’t give me a straight answer he would avoid it or rush to get off the phone. I put off coming home for an additional week but decided to after he continued to ask me every day.

I come home assuming something had changed only to find the same man I left. I asked him why he had me come home and he told me.

[quote]Because I missed you and you wanted to.[/quote]

At first I was upset and angry because that wasn’t the right answer but after a few harsh words he explained he wanted us to get back to the point we were before in our relationship. The next few days we bickered a lot till I finally broke down and expressed that he’s hurt me deeply over the last few months since this isn’t the first time he’s done this sort of thing and how I don’t think he’s aware of just how hard it’s been for me, he apologizes for the first time to me and I believed it to be sincere.

He told me though if I want us to work I need to stop having serious conversations. This includes anything having to pertain to our relationship or inquiring about his moods and acts. I agree and for several days things seem to be better and then slowly begin to slip then pick back up. However there are a few things that bother me.

He barely looks at me, he doesn’t hug me unless I do and it feels forced, I try and kiss him and he’s insanely tense and if I try to make any sort of ‘move’ towards him he pushes me away. Up until last night he hadn’t told me I love you once face to face in almost 2 months.

There are other variables in our relationship but as of right now this seems to be the one thing that seems most prominent and needs to be attended to. I’ve had to distance myself from him and feel attention starved, I bite my tongue when it comes to wanting to ask him what’s wrong when there something obviously is. I’ve had to quit playing some of the same games as him in hope to relieve some of the pressure they put on our relationship as well.

I’m just not sure what to do, I don’t have family or friends here and what few people we do know think he’s crazy for treating me the way he does. Just how long am I supposed to hold my breathe? I know for fact if I mention to him my fears or worries he flips out and I’m fearful of even mentioning it knowing the end result being warned of it. I’ve just invested so much into this relationship and so many promises have been made on his part and not one have been kept. I gave up my life as I knew it including my own daughter for the time being, just when is it enough?

[Anonymous]

I could really use some advice on this subject it’s starting to tare me apart.

Earlier he told me he was going shopping. Something he’s never done in his entire life as far as I know, he’s always made me do it. After he tells me this he gets on the phone and tries to call his brother, I ask why he was calling his brother not like an enforced question but curious since he said he was just going shopping. He then tells me he just wants to hang out with him since he hasn’t in a while. He starts yelling at me asking me why am I being weird and I’m puzzled, I just sit there looking at him asking calmly why is he yelling at me? He rolls his eyes and walk out the door.

Roughly 3 hours later he calls me and tells me he’s going to the movies with his brother and that he’ll be home afterward. He told me he loved me and that’s the last I heard from him and now it’s been about 7 hours total that he’s been gone. I don’t know if I should be pissed off not care.

[Ask April Masini]

You made a bad investment in this guy and now it’s time to cut your losses. He’s not acting like someone who wants to be with you now or in the future, and you’re trying to fool yourself into thinking things will change. They won’t. The reality is that you didn’t know him very well before you moved in with him. Now, you do. He’s not Mr. Right, and you need to break up and move back to the part of the country where you started out before you moved in with him, and where you have your support system.

Next time, slow down and don’t move in with someone so quickly. Get to know a man a lot better before you invest so much of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the advice, I woke up this morning with the intention to break up with him.

When he came home last night I approached him about how he reacted towards me when he left earlier in the day expressing that he had hurt my feelings. Hoping I would get at least an apology for his uncalled out burst. Didn’t happen that way, he simply told me there was no reason for him to since he feels I was acting strange and became very pungent even though I expressed several times in the conversation I felt like I was owed one. I dropped it for the most part till he brought up a situation from the night before, me trying to entice him while in bed and how uncomfortable it made him feel considering the circumstances, his fear of me getting pregnant (I don’t want to and ensure that).

This afternoon he began acting as though he wanted to go somewhere or was going somewhere, I asked him what his plans were for the day hoping that maybe we could spend sometime together. He told me he had no plans but still kept acting as though he was getting ready to do something, I take my shower and come back out and he’s standing around. I ask him what he’s doing yet again and he says I’m thinking of going out with Gary. I look at him with disgust because I was hoping I’d have some time to spend with him and I didn’t know how to tell him I wanted to be included. His friends are my friends, at least that’s what all of his friends have said to me. They enjoy having me around and tell me all the time I should come out with Jamie (my boyfriend) more often.

I decided to sit down and try to tell him I wanted to go with him without really saying I wanna go because I didn’t want to come off pushy. I told him I feel excluded from a lot of his plans lately and I understand he requires time with his friends but that I felt a little too left out. Before I could get to point blank expressing I wanted to go with him I got that look from him which is next to impossible to describe and I couldn’t help but blurt out.

[quote]I’ve been told the person who cares the least in the relationship has the most control and right now I’m not happy. [/quote]

I was going to explain in detail, not harsh or too serious that I just wanted to go out with him too but he flipped out on me. He said your doing it again, you just don’t get it. I enquirer what he’s talking about and he stresses a serious conversation, I told him I understand what you need but what about my needs. He said you don’t understand what I need, I explain verbatim exactly what it is he’s said he’s needed me to do and I’ve felt I’ve complied to the best of my ability. I only talk about what I feel needs to be addressed. In my opinions are typical relationship conversations, such as should I wear lingerie, where would you like to go eat or could I make you something at home. Simple things that turn into big ordeals on his part. Anything at this point if it comes out of my mouth is a serious conversation in his opinion.

I try to express that I was just wanting to spend time with him but I didn’t know how to say it without coming off aggressive or pushy. He tells me it doesn’t matter and that he’s told me over and over that I need to stop having serious conversations in order for us to work. I tell him I understand this but I don’t know what is or isn’t considered a serious conversation at this point and enforce yet again that I love him and want to be with him, he tells me I’m full of it. I get frustrated and tell him what it is I’ve given up to be here and that should prove that I mean what he says. He pulls out his wallet and slams his credit card on our desk and says.

[quote]Buy your self a plane ticket to wherever you want to go, take a taxi to the airport and leave your address and I’ll ship you all your stuff.[/quote]

I was left speechless, I couldn’t believe what just happened. This morning I had woken up with the full intention to break up with him but I had a change of heart but when this happened I felt a sigh of relief, last night I felt like I had hit a wall and didn’t want to get up. I wasn’t sure I had it in me to continue the relationship. He left our apartment and told me he wasn’t coming back till I was gone, it hurt me I asked him to stay because I didn’t want to be alone. I had asked him to re consider the decision because I felt it was a rash decision based out of quick judgment but he told me we had nothing to talk about, he wasn’t happy with me and wasn’t in love with me.

I let him leave and begin to make my phone calls home for arrangements. I call him to confirm some of his credit card information and he had nothing but harsh words. I asked him to bring me some boxes so I could pack my stuff and he told me no he would ship it to me, it’s mostly just clothing and what’s so hard about it. I told him I wanted to do it myself because it’s my stuff. I have no car so it’s not like I could go do it myself and the one person who MIGHT be able to help me was out of town till tomorrow and he wasn’t coming home till late. I then asked him to please take me to the airport and he again told me no and asked me why, I told him because it’s polite and I came here to be with him the least he could do is take me to the airport. He then agrees.

I found out tonight that he had been talking about going back to his ex for the sake of his child, it seemed obvious to me and made sense for a lot of recent events that have taken place. He had asked some of our friends to not talk to me in regards to the conversations that had taken place and they apologized for not telling me earlier since I had asked before I came back if there was anything going on I should know about because it may determine if I did. He now claims that has nothing to do with the demise of our relationship but I beg to differ. The first time I left it was because of her and this last time as well so it seems.

I don’t know why I’m telling you this in all honesty, but maybe it’ll help someone else if they read it. You cant make someone else feel for you the way you do for them. I realized that with my last relationship but I feel like a child and selfish and don’t want it to end because I love him and I know things have been getting better and could continue too. On the phone he told me he could be happy with me and wanted to be with me but I just couldn’t do what he needed me too. The thing is though, it’s not me its him. I’ve done everything I possibly can for him and I’ve always been myself, loving, caring, understanding beyond reason and committed. I know this is for the best as much as it hurts and in my heart not what I want.

I know in 2 weeks he’ll be calling me telling me he made a mistake, a month if he does in fact try to go back to his ex. Just this time I wont fall for it. I plan on leaving tomorrow or the day after and turning off my cell phone and cutting any means of communication I have with him. It’s just rough, I love him and want to be with him but I can’t bring myself to put up with this madness anymore. I love myself more and I deserve to be happy.

Thank you for your advice it was the last kick in the butt I needed to realize that it just isn’t worth while.

[Ask April Masini]

I’m sorry you had to go through so much to get to the reality of what is best for you. Next time, date smarter. And buy yourself a present that you will not only want, but you need! Download my book called Think & Date Like A Man at this link: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. It’s only $15.95, and it’s a good investment for you at this time.

You need to get a fresh take on how to date and who to date. Next time, I hope it’s Mr. Right. But for now, you’ve cut your losses, and you get to start fresh. I wish you good luck.

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