[confusedandhurt]

So, I apologize in advance for this long post. I met one of the most amazing men I have ever know just over a year ago. I am from down south and now live in NY. The guy I was seeing is from California and now lives in NY. When I met this guy, my dad was terminal with cancer and I was constantly back and forth visiting home. One month after meeting this person, my dad took a turn for the worse and I was in my home state for over a month. Things were going great and I talked to this guy every night while I was with my family. During this time, the guy’s company was bought out by another company and he was one of only 3 people that kept his job. In October of last year, my dad passed away and I was again home for over a month. While I was home, my guy’s brother and his family has moved and we went to visit them and to get my mind off of things. Things were so wonderful while we were visiting his family, but after I returned back down south, things were starting to change. After returning to NY, things were very different between us. Christmas time came and things were okay, but not great, but once again we were not together for Christmas day because he went to Cali and I was down south. In January, I started grad school & I am working full time, so my schedule was insane and I was very short tempered. The guy was so good and would come over at least once a week to check on me. We had our ups and downs, but we were getting through it. At the end of January, he told me he needed some time and we did not see each other for over a month and only spoke 2 or 3 times during this time period. In March, we went to dinner and he told me how much he had missed me and loved me. We got back together and for about a month, things were better then they had EVER been. In April, 2 days before my birthday he calls and tells me that he does not want to do anything for my birthday because he is rethinking things, even though I took him away for the weekend for his birthday in March. To make a long story short, he ended up coming over for my bday and we went out (and had a wonderful time). 6 days later he dumps me and says he wants to be friends

[confusedandhurt]

We talked through email when I was back home and spoke once on the phone. He is pissed because I was texting a close male friend of mine. My guy told me that he could not wait to talk to me when I was back, but now he will not return my calls or emails. Should I just move on with my life? I know that I have been dealing with a lot and may not have always been pleasant, but I think if you care about someone, you stick out the bad for the good. Plus, losing my dad has been the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my life.

[AskApril Masini]

You need to move on. Sticking it out with someone through better and through worse is only applicable if there’s an actual relationship going on. It takes two people to make a relationship and one to end it. Your now ex has ended this one. I’m sorry things are so stressful for you and that your father passed away. This is a good time to reflect, rejuvenate and look forward when it comes to dating — not back. Let go and move on.

I hope that helps.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[confusedandhurt]

Thanks, April. It just feels so unresolved because he did a complete 180. Should I write him a letter, just to get it all out?

[Anonymous]

IMHO, you can write a zillion letters if you want. The important thing is not to send any. 😉
Six months from now you’ll be glad you did not hit that send key.

Think of it this way: he has not earned the privilege of knowing your innermost thoughts any more. 😀

[AskApril Masini]

You may think he did a 180 degree turn — but I don’t think he feels that way. That’s why trying to get closure or continuing to contact him is wrong. [b]Emily77[/b] has the right idea when she wrote that you can write letters — for yourself — just don’t send them to him. Letting go is hard, but you can do it. Don’t focus on him any more — keep busy, make new friends, take up a new hobby, volunteer, throw a dinner party — just don’t contact him any more. 😉

[Member]

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