[depressedandconfused]

😥 Hello, I am having trouble with my marriage recently and I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I have fallen out of love with my Husband and I have been so depressed about it since I recently told him I feel like we are just friends. He keeps wondering what has brought it on. He thinks it is my OCD since I suffer from anxiety and it is far from the truth. I am seeing a counselor in a few days to discuss the terms but, what really brought it on was I ran into a friend of the family and we have texted and talked on the phone for six months and he admited he always liked me, and I like him to but the fact is we are both married and he says he feels like he is still friends with his wife as well. He recently visited our house last year and spent the night, he wanted to catch up with family. And it was but six months later we started texting and flirting and we have admited we liked each other. I then said I liked the way he was talking to me and I am not happy with my Husband and thinking of leaving him and he says he will never get a divorce because of his kids and he is best friends with his wife. It seems so weird he is giving me mixed signals and I don’t know what to do. I have felt this way about my Husband before but, I just don’t have the heart to tell him everything. But, the kicker of who this guy is we have known each other since we were kids, the one I want to be with and so its not like its just some guy. Also it is awkward because he is my step grandmothers, son who had married a wife in which she was pregnant from another man at the time. We are cousins but, not blood related so it makes it weird. But, I would not care. What do I do or say. Because he texts me everyday and wants me to come and see him but, since my weirdness with my Hubby and we may splitting up he kind of stopped texting for a bit. But, I did tell him the shit is hitting the fan here at home. And he keeps saying I need to work it out with my Husband. I am so confused. And depression is so bad I have been so exhausted over this. Please help.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re creating drama so you don’t have to deal with your marriage. 😳 The problem you’re having is that your marriage has hit one of those inevitable lulls that most long-term marriages do. I don’t hear you saying that your husband has done anything wrong, but it does sound like the two of you have been pointing fingers instead of rolling up your sleeves and getting the romance and sexual spark back on track. That’s what you have to do. 😉

As for this guy you’re flirting with, my advice is to stop the contact with him. You’re fooling yourself into thinking that the grass is greener elsewhere, when the truth is that any new relationship you find will eventually hit a lull after some time, and you’ll be in the same situation again. So, this guy is not the answer. In addition to which, he’s making it very clear that you’re a distraction from the routine that is his life, but that he loves his wife and family and will never divorce or be available to you. That should be enough for you to focus back on your marriage and stop seeing him altogether. 😕 You’re just looking for some reason not to have to do the hard work, and he’s available as that distraction — but he’s not the solution.

My advice is that instead of seeing a therapist, you get the book I wrote for couples called Romantic Date Ideas, read it, and start implementing those dates, or riff off of them and make up your own by modeling those dates. Here’s the link for the book: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/romantic-date-ideas.html[/url]. I think it will help you a lot — IF (and it’s a big “if”) you’re ready to do the work that all long-term relationships require to sustain. 😀 I sure hope you are. 🙂 🙂

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[depressedandconfused]

Thanks so much. I did decide to work it out with my Hubby but I do think we have a lot to go. I rushed into the relationship because I was lonely about 2007 since my first finance passed away in 2003. I was unsure about my feelings for my Hubby but I am willing to give it a shot thanks so much. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. And good luck! 😀

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