[Anonymous]

Hi April. I wrote to you a couple months ago and you had great advice for me dealing with the difficulties in my marriage and lingering feelings for my ex.

I have taken your advice and minimized contact with my ex (we only talk or see each other when it is necessary for our children). I have openly discussed with my husband the issues I felt we had in our marriage.

My husband has really stepped up to the plate and has worked incredibly hard to “fix” any and all issues. He truly is the perfect husband and I am leading a perfect life.

The problem is, I don’t appreciate any of it! I still dream of this perfect life, but with my ex in my husband’s place. I know my ex would never compare to my husband. He would never have put a fraction of the effort into our relationship that my husband has. We wouldn’t have this big, beautiful house, money in the bank, more love than I could ever need, etc. Yet, I still love him, want him, etc after all this time. It doesn’t make any sense. I am beginning to wonder if something is wrong with me 🙁

About a year ago, when I complained that I was unhappy in my marriage, but for no obvious reasons my doctor prescribed me a decent dose of antidepressants. I take them as prescribed, but it doesn’t fix the lack of love/contentment in my marriage. I don’t think I ever loved my husband. I married him for the wrong reasons (he was a rebound relationship during my divorce and he loved me sooooo much-something I really needed after feeling unloved by my ex). I don’t want a divorce. I don’t want a reconciliation with my ex (well I do, but I know it would not work out). I want to find a way to be happy with what I have.

Help!!!

[Anonymous]

Dear April
Okay i am so confused here is the situtation. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. I have been through hell and back with him. But i still stand beside him. My boyfriend i found out back in 2006 that he was cheating on me and i found out by one of our best friends. We still lived togteher but we were more so friends with benefits they call it. He was with her most of the time and at the time i was a supervisor at a hotel so i put all my focus into working around the clock to avoid the situation. By September of 2006 we had gotten back together and were trying to make it work. But this boy from the neighborhood who liked kept telling that my boyfriend was still cheating on me. I confronted my boyfriend and every time i did we would get into a huge physical argument. But i still stood beside him. I picked up starting to cheat on him while i was at work. on y lunch breaks and any chance i could. in Feb of 2007 i found out that I had trich. The boy i was messing with went a got a std test done on him to see if he had it also. But He came back negative. So i knew that it was from my boyfriend. Now he didnt know that i was sleeping with this other boy but he kept refusing to go get tested and told me i was dilusional that he wasnt sleeping with any other chick. But My gyn told me that trich is mainly from female to female and men are only carriers. so I called my boyfriend and asked him was he sleeping with anyone else just to tell me the truth he told me no. I knew though he was. WE lost our home in Feb also due to a fire. So since i worked at a hotel i was able to get free rooms at hotels around where we lived. We were staying there but at the same time my boyfriend had a gambling problem (still does) so he would always tell me he was gambling. He got locked up June of that year. And i had got rid of the std by then. But by the time he got locked up there was someone always texting his phone and i was wondering who it was. I knew it was a female so when he go locked up he finally called me and wanted to have me text this person to let them know what was going on. Stupid me went against my mind and still text the person and give them the address he was at. Well eventually i found out that truth and was heart broke again . Now here its is 2010 and he is out of jail. but i am starting to worry that he is starting allthe crap again. I am so confused. He went one night to the bar after we had a huge fight winded up going back to this girls house and he says nothing happened but he didnt come home until 8:30 the next morning. and we havent been the same since.i am worried that he still talks to her and messes with her. I argue with hm because he keeps everything from me and i feel i have a right not know about it all. and he wont tell me nothing about her. Becuase he loved her. which i dont understand he was only with her for 3 days he tells me. But he protects her like he has never done with me and i do not know what to do. I feell i have a right to know everything about her bc he has told her stuff about me that no one is suppose to know. It something i can not make myself move on from because he will not tell me where he met her, her name where she lives, and what they talked about what she looks like I need your help can you give me advice.

[Ask April Masini]

First of all, [b]confusedlover[/b], please attach your new post to your old ones so I can see the recent history of your posts and so can all the readers who chime in with great advice. When you re-post, I’ll answer your questions with the entire string of your posts in one place. 🙂

And [b]Cbeatty[/b], please for future: Start a new post for your own issues rather than replying with your issues to someone else’s post. Whew! Okay, so here’s my advice for you, [b]Cbeatty[/b]:

You are a glutton for punishment. 😳 Your boyfriend has been cheating on you since 2006, and he’s not going to stop. He gave you a sexually transmitted disease and wouldn’t go to the doctor to be tested or treated, putting your health in continued jeopardy. In addition to his cheating, the two of you have been in physical altercations, he has a gambling problem, he’s been arrested, and he’s now out of jail! What part of LOSER don’t you understand? 🙄 Of course he’s going to continue his behavior — because you continue yours.

When you decide you’re not going to be with a man who treats you so poorly, you’ll leave him and start living a healthy life. Until that time, this guy is going to continue to treat you badly. If you stay with him, you’re willingly and knowingly putting yourself in a miserable relationship. 😮

I hope you value your own life enough to move on. Eight years is a long time to waste on a guy like this.

I hope that helps and that you’ll let me know how things go.

Please join me on Facebook. Here’s the link for AskApril.com on Facebook: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

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