[kiloalphayankee]

So I have a problem.

I have been seeing my bf for nearly a year – we got together during his divorce. His divorce is amicable, there are no children involved. He was married for 4 years and together for 8. The divorce is now final. Last week I found out his ex wife had stayed the night at his flat.

Earlier in the week, he had said he was out that night with his friend and visiting his dad the next morning which was why I couldn’t stay that night. I knew he was lying but didn’t know why. To cut a long story short, I found a hair which wasn’t mine in the bathroom and asked him who had stayed. He lied and said no-one. Over the next few hours I asked a few more questions and eventually he came clean – his ex wife had stayed as she had a job interview in London and had to come down from Leeds and it made sense for her to stay with him rather than get a hotel – they also went for dinner. I know she stayed in the spare room and I know they didn’t have sex (they had a loveless non intimate marriage for 2 of the 4 years)

He can’t see the problem with this but does understand he shouldn’t have lied.

I’m heartbroken. I can’t believe he thinks it is ok for his recent ex wife to stay over. And because he lied, I now dont believe a word he says. How do I get over this?

I told him he can have a friendship with her BUT she cannot stay at his or visa versa. He actually hsd to think about this begore he agreed!

Am I over-reacting? Am I being unreasonable? Am I being an idiot by staying?

Please help

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You are being unreasonable if you expect a man who lies to you and wants a relationship with his ex, to suddenly stop lying to you and stop seeing his ex. 😉 Clearly, he still wants her in his life. 😕 He may have told you he had a sex-less marriage, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t having sex with his ex-wife now that they’re divorced. Rather than make demands on him or on yourself, instead, accept what is happening and realize you want a different kind of relationship than he does. 😉 It’s very normal for a guy who is newly divorced to want to test the waters and experience different women and different relationships. And while it’s also normal for you to want a committed relationship, it’s hard to expect him to want the same thing you do, given his behavior and his new divorce.

I hope that helps.

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