[Anonymous]

I’m 46 and a decent guy who is divorced (20yr marriage. We went separate ways). After a good 1.5 yrs after, I met a girl after dating some others. My former marriage was stable but not very passionate. I always wanted more. But I met this girl and it was heated from the moment we met. She was rough around the edges and had a hard life. Her kids were rough and her past love life was chaotic. Yes we met in a bar and she wanted me that night but I didn’t want to show that, so I waited some before we did, but yes it was hot. she was extremely passionate and intimate not just in bed either, but the sex was fiery hot. We have some simular compatibility (goals, music, movies, things we both like to do). I allowed myself to fall madly in love with her though she wasnt normally my type and she wasn’t real sure how she felt. But as passionate she was on one hand, she would blow her lid and break up with me over the littlest thing on the other hand. She was very insecure and jealous beyond measure and she would break up with me about twice a month. Mean, angry, spiteful and nothing that I have ever experience before. I would spend 2 to 4 days reeling her back in for another chance at it, convincing her I loved her and that I was sorry and would do things her way to ensure her my loyality to her. After the 2nd month she cheated on me and I found her in the act. It was the worst day of my life but after a few days managed to bring myself past it to love her anyways. She takes Zanex and says its for anxioties but she seems bi-polar. The longest we went was 1 month together without a breakup, last Dec. then for some reason I cheated on her, possibly for some warped reason that I wanted an escape out of the relationship (which every man in her life did to her, which made me no better). She caught us red handed and she ended it right there. We dated 6 months total. I spent the next 6 weeks begging her back. It would take 3 to 4 days, she would let me back in for about 2 days then break it back off again. Then I would repeat the process over again until I thought we were almost there finally at last. But then spur of the moment she moved out of state (and left a 14yr job) to be with an old bo to be her “forever love”. I begged her to stay but she went anyways.

1st week I didn’t think I was going to make it, but I managed. Then met a nice safe girl the proper way and we have been talking and seeing each other. She had a similar experience with her ex bo. She is nice, sweet, beautiful, has class but down to earth, has great kids that blend with mine. Is somewhat passionate but not like the other. lots of compatibility, but not some special things I had with the other. We spent weeks talking before we became intimate. Its good and sweet but not explosive like the other. But her personality is safe and not explosive either. So we have started to have some feelings towards each other.

But then the 1st girl calls after a month and says she’s moving back home, has made the biggest mistake of her life by leaving me, had no feelings for the other bo, got off the Zanex and is feeling more stable. She came back and for about 4 days has begged me back (for the 1st time) just like I did her. I met with her to see how I felt though I was trying everything in my power to resist, I gave in to her and we have had some of the most amazing passion I have ever experienced over the last couple of days. Girl #2 doesn’t know just yet. Girl #1 doesn’t know about girl #2. I was planning on breaking up with girl #2 for girl #1 but scared that Girl #1 will dump me again, though she says she wants me forever now and will never dump me again.

What should I do? Girl #1 had anger problems, her looks and character rough around the edges(country bumpkin) & would dump me regularly, but says she is reformed and says will love me forever. I do love her like crazy (it’s crazy love for sure) and the passion is off the chart. Girl #2 is sweet, safe,smart, kind, has class, cute, comes from good stock, has good kids, has good compatibility, but there is not that real burning fiery passion like girl #1 (which I like but hated the heart ache that went with it).

[Ask April Masini]

If my math is correct you’ve only been divorced about two years now after your 20 year marriage ended. It also sounds like you’re interested in [i]both[/i] women — the fiery, unstable one and the sweet but less exciting one. Last time I checked, there was no law about your dating more than one woman, so be single, and enjoy yourself. Given what you’ve written I don’t think you’re ready to re-marry since you’re still enjoying dating different types of women, so that’s the first thing you need to remember: what you want. When men are ready to marry they need set their sights on their goal. However, you really seem to be getting a lot out of exploring relationships and getting to know yourself and life! I don’t think re-marriage is on your immediate horizon.

Given that very important fact, I can assure you that your fiery girlfriend will continue to be who she is and will break up with you again, cheat on you again, you on her, etc. Without passing judgment, as long as you don’t marry her or make her a permanent (and permanently disruptive) part of your life, you should continue to enjoy the attraction you have with her. But keep your eyes open.

Your very sweet and classy girlfriend who doesn’t bring you the fire you’re still interested in, isn’t someone you want a monogamous relationship with right now, so being monogamous with her would be a betrayal of both yourself and her. No woman wants to be the booby prize with her man looking elsewhere and wishing he cold be with another woman. If you want someone else, and you’re legitimately single, especially after a long term marriage has just ended, be honest.

Don’t paint yourself to anyone as a one woman man right now. You’re not. Accept it. Date the field. And when you’re ready to settle down, you can focus in on what you want and what you need to make the second half of your life what you want it to be.

[Author]

Posts