[sunshine]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few years now. The problem? He’s a complete loser! We were high school sweethearts, and he wasn’t always completely productive in school, but now he’s even worse! He barely works, he still lives with his parents, and he won’t get on with his life! He hangs out with his friends almost all the time. They somehow are getting their lives together, but he won’t! I still love him, but he’s such a little kid. He won’t even get his license still! I love him a lot, and I don’t want to lose him, but he’s unbelievably impossible. I’ve tried to help him; I’ve helped him apply to colleges and get jobs, but he just won’t budge. I’ve talked to him about growing up, and getting on with his life, and he always seems like he really wants to start a life with me, but he’s not willing to put in any effort. I really want to be with him, but he is so lazy that I’m afraid he’ll just hold me down from starting my life.

What should I do? Can I change this behavior? Why is he like this?

[occali]

I waited for someone like this for 6 years… then he left me for another woman! Waiting around won’t get you no where girl.
If he can’t get his act together, he will always be satisfied with mediocre. If he sees you complain enough, he will drop you and find someone who likes his laziness and then you will be heart broken.
So, you either need to accept it and love what you have.
Or you need to make some changes while you are still in control of your own life.
Believe me, nothing is worse than being the one who was broken up with. He will leave you if he knows you feel this way about him and then you will be hurt.
So make a choice now.
Know in the end, your choice was for the best since you thought about it for a while now.
Pray about it.
You will know what to do.
Good luck.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’ve outgrown your boyfriend and need to move on. You won’t change him. And you should take a lesson now: you can’t change other people. One of the worst dynamics you can get into in a romantic relationship is trying to change someone. It’s a recipe for disaster. The more you try and the more he doesn’t comply, the angrier you will get, and he won’t want to be with you. He’ll leave you, and you’ll wonder how the heck that all happened!

You can tell him what you like and don’t like. Once. Maybe twice, but that’s really it. After that you become a nag. And he becomes a loser. Do you really want to become Mr. Loser & Ms. Nag?

Face reality. The best thing you can do is to move on. If he really wants to be with you enough to change and win you back, he will. And if he doesn’t, then you’ll forget about him as soon as you’re in a relationship with someone else who has a more mature lifestyle, doesn’t live at home, has a driver’s license and wants to succeed.

Go get ’em, tiger. Get out there and get yourself a winner!

[Ethan Morales]

The situation is very clear, even if it’s painful to admit. You are in a relationship with someone who has not stepped into adulthood in a meaningful way. Despite your repeated efforts to help him grow college, jobs, responsibility he has not taken the steps needed to mature. His lack of initiative, independence, and accountability shows a pattern that is very unlikely to change just because you want it to.

You cannot change him: No matter how much you help, guide, or encourage, real change has to come from him. Right now, he’s comfortable staying in his current situation, and that comfort outweighs any desire to grow.

You are outgrowing the relationship: You want a partner who is building a life alongside you, not someone who keeps you in a caretaker or nagging role. Staying with him in hopes of change will likely lead to frustration, resentment, and wasted time.

Your emotional labor is being taken for granted: You’ve invested time, energy, and care into his growth, but he isn’t reciprocating. That imbalance is unhealthy and will hold you back from finding a partner who can match your ambition and commitment.

Hard reality check: Love alone cannot sustain a relationship if your partner isn’t willing to step up to adult responsibilities. Compatibility isn’t just about feelings it’s about life goals, values, and action.

You can express clearly what you want and don’t want, but after that, the only way forward is either accepting him as he is which you clearly don’t want or moving on to find someone whose priorities align with yours. Staying will not make him change; it will only hold you back.

[Tara]

You’re dating a man-child, not a partner. He’s not “stuck.” He’s comfortable. He’s not confused. He’s unmotivated. And he’s not going to magically wake up one day and decide to be an adult just because you’re exhausted from carrying both of your futures on your back.

You’ve turned yourself into his unpaid life coach, babysitter, and career counselor, and he’s perfectly happy letting you do all the work. Why? Because you keep doing it. You’ve already shown him that he can put in zero effort and still have a girlfriend who loves him, supports him, and even runs his errands for him. He’s operating with perfect logic: why change when the current setup costs him nothing?

You cannot “change this behavior” because it’s not a glitch it’s his baseline. This is who he is when no one is forcing him. And the version of him you’re in love with is the fantasy you’ve built to justify wasting time on someone who’s allergic to responsibility.

[Sally]

Loving someone who won’t meet you halfway feels like dragging a grown man by the hand. I dated a guy like that in my twenties. Sweet heart, zero drive. I kept thinking if I pushed a little harder, he’d finally wake up. He didn’t.

The thing is, you can’t want his life more than he does. That kind of gap just wears you down. And it’s not that he’s a bad person some people just stay comfortable way too long. But that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck with him.

Try talking to him one more time, calmly, without trying to fix anything. Just saying how you feel. And listen to what he actually does afterward, not what he promises. That’s where the truth usually shows up.

[Member]

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