[Anonymous]

My name is Sarah and this is a little too wrong and im ashamed and embarrassed to ask on your website. But I would love it if you could help me out. I have no one to talk to and no one to help me and I am in desprite need of some advice. So three years ago I started dating this guy. By the way im 20 now (I act a lot older than I am because I’ve had to grow up so fast but anyways. So 3 yrs ago I started dating this guy.weve been engaged on three difrent occasions. I thought he was great well he is great we were great for the first 4 months and than I have no idea what happened from there. I quit everything for him drugs which I should have anyways but I quit hanging out with all my old friends which im glad I did because I shouldn’t have been in that crowd anyways. Ive made a lot of mistakes ive had sex with 20 guys before ben and I told him about it and at the time he was okay but further along our relationship he’s held it over my head calling me nasty and a whore and what not. Now he has cheated on me. When I met ben he was kind of a dork still didn’t grow into his manly body hes 6’2 and weighs 150 pounds so you can assume hes pretty skinny. Now I don’t have a problem at all I think hes sexy and attractive but as the years went on I introduced him to tanning and getting his eyebrows done. So now hes the typical metro man “my fault” . Im sorry this is all over the place but I don’t know what to do so anyways. He cheated on me 4 months into the realationship and apparently its been several times the first year of us dating. Now He has a twin brother named dave. At first I hated dave and he hated me it was a mutual thing. But a year after me and ben dating me and dave had sex it was quick and we both regret it or at least I do I wish it never happened but ben was always “working” and that left me and dave to hangout. Dave and ben are very close by the way. Anyways heres my point me and Ben had a kid together and after I had my child I got congestive heart failure and ben had told me that he felt sorry for me and that’s why he was with me. That hurt. But in January dave told ben about us having sex he didn’t do it because he felt bad he did it to piss Ben off so ben would go have sex with dave wife so he would leave her…(disgusting and wrong right) I don’t understand those too and I wouldn’t dare ask you to either that’s how they are I think its sad and sick. But anyways so now im paying for all of it dave and ben are great but I had to move out with my son and I just don’t know what to do because the whole realationship ben has been verbually mean to me, has always picked on me yelled at me just plain out be little me. And I feel stupid for staying but I love him so much but I also don’t know if he will get over what happened and one day hes nice and the next hes a dick. I just am so lost and confused Help me please. How do I get him to get over it? How do I get him to stay? By the way hes very good looking now and hes getting a lot of attention from others and I don’t know what to do I don’t know if hes hooked up with anyone or hasn’t im just so lost. Please Help.
thanks.
Ash

[April Masini, your AskApril]

This is not the time for you to be dating [i]anyone[/i]. You’re a single mother at age 20 with a toddler who needs ALL of your attention. Focus on raising your son and give him the love and attention you didn’t get as a child. Be the best mother you know how to be and make your life about raising this boy.

It sounds like up until now you’ve made so very many mistakes with sex and drugs. It’s time for you to break that pattern. Ben is the father of your child, but that’s it. He’s not going to be your Mr. Right. There’s too much water under the bridge and you can’t make him come back to you.

Getting over the loneliness and the disappointment that you have so much responsibility right now is your project. Do that by throwing yourself into all that is productive in your life. Your school, your job, your son, your family, your friends who are supportive. Take your boy to the park and meet other parents and befriend them. You should gravitate to other single mothers who can be supportive emotionally and help with babysitting and any tips and advice you need when it comes to child rearing.

I hope that helps — I know it’s not exactly what you want to hear at all, but it’s the best thing for you. Let me know how things go. And join me on Facebook. Here’s the link for AskApril.com on Facebook: [url][/url].

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