[CS2427]

Hi all,

First time poster here so hopefully get some useful advice.

I’ve been talking with a girl who I previously went to school with, she added me on facebook and randomly started chatting a couple of months ago.

It developed into us talking almost everyday and we got along really well. Her previous relationship was abusive which she opened up completely about and therefore I think s he has trust issues.

So anyway I asked her on a date, she agreed and we went out for food and then to a bar for a couple of drinks, we both had a really good night.

A few days later she invited me round to hers to watch a film together, as the night went on we had a good laugh and ended up getting closer – initiated by her. then before I was about to leave she kissed me, which was a surprise but a nice one at that. I ended up staying for another hour kissing and cuddling.

She then invited me round the following weekend (she wanted to meet before but I was away with work) she suggested we have a few drinks and watch a movie again. She bought the drinks, I bought he takeaway. So again we got close fairly early on just cuddling as watching the film and eventually lead to us kissing again.

This then turned into us going upstairs and we both had an amazing night. We hung out the next day and then I left and went home. She was texting me from the moment I left. Anyway I was unsure as to what was going on as she made a comment that she is staying single for a long time because of her past and this just threw me off because the signals she was sending me didn’t seem like this was the case.

Anyway we spoke yesterday and she said she just wants to be friends because she doesn’t want to complicate things, she thinks I’m an amazing guy but doesn’t want to ruin the friendship. After a bit of conversation she said she thinks were too different and so couldn’t see it working. I said I understood, as that is fair enough. “I don’t think it would go anywhere. I would probably end up pissing you off. I DONT! want that to happen as you mean too much to me” is one direct quote.

She then has gone on to say that she needs me in her life as a friend and she has never had a friend like me before. So I said that I’m not the kind of guy to just drop her because she doesn’t want anything more, because im not. I am just really confused as to what she actually wants, yes she has said she just wants friendship. But the other things she says are strange in my opinion. Do you agree?

Any advice greatly appreciated

[AskApril Masini]

First of all, you’re not friends. You dated, you had sex together — that’s not friendship. 😉 And to pretend that you have a friendship now, is to fool yourself. So, don’t do that! I know you think you’re not the kind of guy who would drop her because the dating relationship isn’t working out — because you think that’s insensitive or unchivalrous. Wrong! It’s actually much kinder to move on when something isn’t going to work out, rather than to be in a dishonest relationship where you’re pretending to be friends, but actually trying to leverage the friendship into sex, romance or some combination of the two. Face it, a true friend is going to be really happy for her if she comes home and tells you she met the man of her dreams. But you’re not going to feel great about that, so you’re going to lie to her and pretend you are. Do you see where this is going? It’s not a friendship, so let that idea go and you’ll have an easier time of dating.

Second, decide what YOU want from her. I’ve heard a lot of her running the show, but if you want to date her, then you should tell her that you really want to date her, and you like her too much to be friends. 😉

See if that works for you — let me know how things go, and if you have any other questions, please ask! 🙂

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