[Anonymous]

Hello,
6 years ago, I met an amazing girl, and despite our young age, we quickly fell in love. It was a model relationship that lasted 2+ years. It ended badly, and we went almost 4 years without contact. Just recently we became reacquainted as friends and started to get closer. She just got out of a 1 year relationship with a guy whom she had a long distance relationship with. She still loves him, but desperately wants to move on from him, but he keeps using the “push away, pull back” method to keep her from completely breaking away.
We have gotten very close lately and things have been moving along amazingly. Old feelings come back, but this is different. We are different people than we were and we seem to get along even better. Though our history surely has some hand in our romance, we also are falling for each other as who we are now.
The problem is, the ex-boyfriend is still in the picture. She still loves him but wants to move on with me. She just can’t decide if she is fully ready to let go or not. She has been completely up front and honest with me about everything, and I really respect that, but things cannot keep going like this with me knowing there is another guy in the picture. I have told her that I understand she needs time to get over him, but all I ask is the commitment from her that she will work towards that and not go running back to him.
She seems absolutely crazy about me, but stays stuck in the middle. This has been going on for 2 weeks. She tells me that she knows I am the smart decision, because he has a lot of problems and so does their relationship, but she can’t seem to decide what she really wants.
I do not know whether to walk away and make her choose because I’m scared that space will push her to run back to him even easier. But I feel if I stick around, she wont ever make the decision. I am so torn and really need help.
Sincerely,
What To Do

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since she’s not able to commit to you fully, you have to show her by your behavior that you deserve one woman who is willing to give all of herself to you — and if she isn’t the one to do that, then someone else will gladly step in. If you don’t value yourself, you surely can’t expect her to. Women go for men who are confident and frankly, not so available. The nice guy finishes last — always.

You should read Date Out of Your League, a book I wrote for men who want to get the girl. You can buy it here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. It’s a quick read and it will help you get her to commit by giving you the behavior, tips and advice you need to practice.

I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes after you read the book.

See you on Facebook at: [url][/url] and @AskAprilcom on Twitter if you follow me. 😀

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your help.

Trust me, I have learned to value myself and confidence isn’t an issue. She is definitely into me, thats not the case. The reason I seem like the “nice guy” in this scenario is because I understand how hard it is to completely let go. But I can tell she wants to. I’ve played it cool thus far but thats becoming more difficult.

How do I get her to make a decision without pushing her away from me or towards him?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not suggesting you push her one way or another. She will ultimately make her own decision — but only if she has to. Therefore, what I’m suggesting is that you take yourself out of the scenario more than you’ve been in it. If you continue to be understanding and waiting around for her to “work towards” a commitment ❓ ❓ you’re not going to give her any incentive to be with you. Right now she’s got both guys in her life. I’m suggesting you take yourself out of that scenario and offer her a one woman man in exchange for her being a one man woman. If she doesn’t go for that deal and continues to stay with her ex-boyfriend, then you’ll know for sure she’s just not ready to be your Ms. Right.

[Member]

Posts