[Anonymous]

I have been married for 7 years and my husband had an affair two years ago.We split up last year because he said he said he didnt know if he loved me.He started seeing that same girl that he cheated on me with 4 months later he said that he wanted to work on our marriage.We got back together.So its been a year from that.I find out a couple months ago he likes to watch porn.I try and watch it with him.Big mistake.He lies about everything he does to drinking,porn.I guess my question is I love him.Is this marriage something that can be fixed?? or should I just let go? I feel like a second chioce,I feel insecure,I feel lost.Should I even try and save it? HELP……

[[hawt.n.bothered]]

Like everyone says, “It takes both hands to clap”.. you can’t be fixing this marriage alone, well based on your descriptions, it seems like he NEVER appreciates your love and efforts – forgiving him, trying to adapt to his drinking, porn. And he is still cheating on you regardless of how much he realised about his love towards you. I know it’s hard to leave a 7 yr marriage, but what is the point when you’re not happy, insecure, lost, etc.
So yes, just leave him. Be firm with your decisions, cause it’s kind of predictable that he would come back to you again and beg for forgiveness, telling you how much he has changed, he realises the girl he cheats with is not the one bla bla bla. Take a break from this re/ship, go have fun =).

[Ask April Masini]

I like [b]hawt.n.bothered[/b]‘s analogy of clapping with both hands! 😆 It makes a lot of sense.

Your situation sounds heart breaking — but only if you continue to do nothing. First, let’s talk about the porn. When you say he watches porn — how much porn are you talking about? Men are visual and while you may be able to conjure up a sexually stimulating fantasy in your mind, he’d rather have the visual stimulation of seeing his fantasy happen in front of him. Knowing that, and processing it, what part can you play in keeping him excited? The porn watching may be his need to be sexually stimulated visually and if he’s not getting that at home, and it’s something you can provide for him, he may be more interested in his home life. Let me know if that makes any sense for you.

Second, let me know how much drinking you’re talking about. For some people, their husband drinking a beer or a cocktail each night is the gateway to alcoholism. For others it’s like having coffee in the morning — no big deal. So what, exactly, are you talking about in terms of “drinking”.

Last, if you love him, and there is something you can do to save this marriage, then I suggest you try it. Sex is a great gateway to a man’s heart and if you’re really interested in getting him back, I think you need to get the X back in your sex life. This problem is not unique to you and your husband. There’s a book I’ve written called Romantic Date Ideas that will get the juices flowing in the bedroom. Here’s the link to buy that book: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/romantic-date-ideas.html[/url]. Get it, read it, and let me know if it helps.

I hope things get better. Let me know how it all shakes out. And join me on Facebook. AskApril.com on Facebook can be accessed at this link: [url][/url].

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