[Anonymous]

my spouse and I have been married for 2 years, we had a rough start but things got alot better, recentley we’ve moved across the street of one of his cloose friends and his wife, we got close with this couple and spent alot of time with them, I had a bad feeling about my husband.. didn’t like the way he looks at his best friend’s wife, he is not himself around her, he is a littel too nice, try too hard to make her laugh, the attention he gave to her reminds me of a 16 years old teenager who trys to impress a girl, I know that she is acting totally normal around him, she is a good person and she adores her husband so i know that she doesn’t have any feelings for my hubby.
I tryed to not spend time with the couple hoping to get my husband away and perhaps prove my intution wrong but when i saw how angry he gets when i refuse to visit them or go out with them my doubts got stronger. I tryed to hint or confront him and he snapped! he got extremly nervous though and was tooooo quiet when i was explaining what i noticed (too quiet unlike himself!) he called me crazy and said that he can never look at his friends’s wife in that way. after staying away from that couple for months now, i noticed how he sometimes ask me about her. I felt he really wants to be cloose to her again but he is holding back because of me.
now my husband is trying to get together with them again.. not just his friend, but his friend and his wife and he needs me there with him because it wouldn’t be right if he went to see them alone ( he does see his friend with other guys whenever he want) and whenever i say no or that am busy he gets angry and even call me names saying that am lieing and that am only saying no because i still have the crazy idea’s i confronted him with before..
I know he wouldn’t cheat on me.. not with her, i dont think he would dare and she would never allow it. a friend told me that sometimes men get attracted to their friends wives its like a man’s fantasy.. is that right? and if it was right what can i do about those fantasies? I mean is there something to do? i feel soo angry at myself.. at him . at the innocent woman who has no idea why my man likes to jump in there house every chance he can..
am not sure what i need to do. I confronted him before and he still trys to see her again! i say go alone and he gets really mad and call me names!!! (because he knows his friend would not let him hang with him and his wife alone!) what can i do!! how should i act.. I know am not crazy. I know him! and unfortunatly i really love him.

[Ask April Masini]

You’re driving him away. 😳

If you believe that your husband hasn’t cheated on you, and won’t, and that he likes to flirt with your neighbor’s wife, but wants you there with him, and doesn’t want to see her without you, you have to understand that you’re being unreasonable.

He’s married — he’s not dead. 😮 He still has feelings for other people, but he’s chosen to be a faithful husband. What he wants to do seems harmless — especially since he wants you with him when he sees her. Your feelings of jealousy and fear of abandonment are what the real problem here is.

If you can apologize to him and explain that you are scared of losing him because you love him so much, and that you’re going to step out of your comfort zone and make efforts to see this couple together on some kind of regular basis, you can also ask in exchange that he be sensitive to your feelings and when he’s around this other woman, that he shows some loyalty to you in a way that will make you feel good about your relationship with your husband, but still allow him to be a man — who’s married and faithful.

Lots of men who are married and faithful still appreciate seeing attractive women and even flirting with them. The same goes for women. It doesn’t mean that they have a bad marriage or that they’re cheating. They’re being human within their relationships.

If you can understand this, and allow for it, while still getting some acknowledgement of your own feelings by your husband, you’ll end up a lot freer in your marriage, and better able to address your own personal issues that have nothing to do with your husband.

I hope that helps — let me know how things go.

[Author]

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